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I hate being the “mean” parent.

This blog is just a free following piece about my day and feelings. I am sure it will be riddled with a ton of grammar mistakes, but that is my natural state of being. I am completely imperfect.

Homeschooling is rough. You have to separate yourself as a parent versus a teacher. Some days are good, and things get done, but then there are days that my child refuses to do work. What do I do then? Send her to her room?

What frustrates the most about this is that I am co-parenting and her father will jump on the opportunity not to work because getting up in the morning is triumph over the day. She doesn’t get much disciplines there, so I am still the weight in the world for which rest on her shoulders. She knows she only has to deal with me for a little while before she returns to the haven of a father. I hate my role very much. I am always dismissed in this dynamic because that’s the way it has been since being with her dad.

So, homeschooling…I wanted to homeschool her because I felt it would allow me to spend time with her. She can see what “healthy” way of life instead of the negative side. She had a horrible teacher this year. The teacher only had five students yet couldn’t get her act together to be personable with the students or make any connection. She didn’t even bother to know my name. When confronted, she blamed the kids and my daughter. She is the teacher. Do not make it the fault of children. Even when they annoy you, they need to learn from you how to handle the situation. So, here I am the teacher and parent.

I am still learning, and it is not easy. I want to teach the word of God and also give her the curriculum I know she is capable of doing. The issue is that we are so new to these roles that there are misfires. I either get mad because she refuses to work or she refuses to work and ask to go to Daddy’s home. I try hard not to add my feelings and thoughts to the situation, but it is very hard.

I hate being the “mean” parent.

So, I am done ranting.

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What Type of Parent Are You?

Diana Baumrind, a developmental psychologist, noticed in 1967 that parents have basic constructs to raising their children. She saw a pattern within these parenting styles that can directly affect the outcome of the child’s development. Today, we call these the Baumrind parenting styles.

Each child we have are unique. They are different in everything. As a parent, raising each individual child is different. Parents have to be very flexible and able to adapt accordingly to each child and different ages. Although many everyone has their own distinct styles of parenting, there are four main types of parenting.

These four styles are:
Authoritative
Authoritarian
Permissive
Uninvolved

Authoritative parents are reactive to the child’s emotional needs while expecting a high standard or outcome for their child. These type of parents set limits and are very consistent in enforcing boundaries. Authoritative parenting tends to be found in the middle of the level and is said to be a balanced parenting style. Children have a tendency to be more confident and have empathy for others. They also have better self-control.

Authoritarian and authoritative parenting styles may have similar names, but there are differences in how these type of parents raise there child. While both parental methods demand high standards for their children, authoritarian parents will demand blind obedience without being the child much of a reason for their action. These type parents are stern in discipline and often use some kind of punishment to control children’s behavior. Authoritarian parents tend to be less nurturing than authoritative parents as they have the tendency to be unresponsive to their children’s needs. Children have the tendency to lack self-esteem and insecure. They may also some behavior problems.

Permissive parenting style tends to be low in structure and high in reactivity. Permissive parents set very little rules and boundaries. These type of parents are reluctant to enforce rules. These parents are very warm and lenient, as they do not like to disappoint their children. Although it is great to want to make your children happy, there are points in development where the child may possess egocentric tendencies and lack self-control.

Uninvolved parents are low demandingness and low responsiveness. These type of parents do not set firm boundaries or very high standards without indifferent to their child’s needs and are not really involved in their child’s loves. This group of parenting may unwittingly know that they are uninvolved as some in this group suffer mental issues that inhibit them from being involved in parenting properly. Children from this group may experience issues such as feelings of rejection, lack of self-esteem, and problems with trusting others and in the long run, children may be harmed emotionally.

So, which style?

In many longitude studies, researchers found that authoritative parenting is consistently linked to the best results for children. With these studies, it is assumed that the authoritative parenting style is considered the best and most effective parenting style by psychologists and psychiatrists.

This classification of parenting styles has been studied for over 25 years in different countries. Results are generally found in each parenting style.

However, studies are not 100%. There could be factors that make other types of style much more effective. It also depends on each childn’s temperament, personality and culture too. It’s the classic nature verse nurture debate.

So, what do we do with this information? The most critical part of parenting is trying to keep our kid in a safe environment. Its impact on a child is vital.

What parenting tips can you give to help raise a healthy and happy child? Please leave your comments below.

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