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Living with A Dysmorphic Disorder – What’s Going On and How to Cope?

I want to discuss image dysmorphia.

I’m struggling with it.

My distorted image makes it hard for others to give me proper advice. No matter how many times someone tells me that I am not the way I see myself, I still see a different person in the mirror.

My “friend” in the mirror sees all of my flaws. She also hides my clear image. I literally can’t see my real self unless I give myself a side-eye. Then, my “friend” will quickly distort the picture before I can fully process what I just saw. It’s frustrating to know you can’t see yourself, but your own mind will not let you change your distortion.

Sometimes, I wonder if I can see any bit of the reality that others see. Sometimes, I wonder if they are wrong, and my truth is right. Sometimes, I just know I am right. Sometimes, I know I am wrong.

When I take photos of myself, I look at them in disgust. I see flaws in every part of my body and mind. This leads to thoughts of self-deprecation. When I question myself, my “friend” hisses to shut-up because I am the one that knows nothing. I am stupid. I sometimes ignore her, other times, I fight her, but most of the time, I cower away too afraid to lose another battle.

I can look in the mirror, and I can see many things that I hate about myself. My “friend” makes me believe that everyone can see what I see and hate me as much as I hate myself. I can unconsciously (thanks to my “friend”) seek out specific people who with 100% certainty will validate what she has been telling me. She can’t be wrong if other people believe it too. It is a cycle that is tricky to break.

No matter how much I protest or try to protect myself from her evil thoughts. She is there, waiting for me to be weak. She comes in like a savior but leaves me as a sinner. I hate her, but she is me, so I love her too. My self-image is split and shattered. I live with this for most of my life.

So, there are so many ways my story could have gone. My path is twisted and hilly. I still rely on her to tell me, “like it is” when I don’t know the answers. She always comforts me with her evil banter.

However, it has gotten better. I can stand my ground and have won a few battles. The war still rages, and my reality will forever be distorted, but I go on. With every battle won, I hope to be closer to my truth.

Here are some ways that help me win my battles.

Get Help / Seek Out Positive People

When you see yourself as an awful person, you attract people who think the same about you. Try to find a couple of good people in your life and be honest with them. Tell them that you are trying to conquer a demon and need a supportive friend. This can be difficult at the beginning because your judgment in others may be off. If you can afford it or have the resources, seek professional help. They will help you learn the tools and guide you into accurately finding the right type of people that you need to surround yourself to maintain a healthy environment.

Say at least 3 things you love about yourself.

Many people struggle with this and only focus on the negatives. Sometimes, you have to stand for 30 minutes before you can come up with something. However, this is what you need to do.

Look at yourself in a mirror.

I avoid mirrors as often as I can whenever I look in the mirror I just think negative thoughts. Now, I try to focus on other things apart from what my “friend” thinks. It helps me to stop thinking so negatively about myself.

Look at yourself as though you are someone else.

I’m the type of person who often sees the good in everyone. I can look at someone and instantly see good qualities about them. I realized that I had to see the good in me. I had to see the positives about myself even if that means looking at myself as though I am another person.

I can look at others and think how great they are as a person. It helps me to realize that people look and act differently. We are all beautiful and unique.

So, why can I be the same too?

Stop comparing yourself to others.

Comparing yourself to others, you first have to learn to love yourself. You have to see how you look genuinely. Sometimes, it is tough to do. Especially when I feel that person has everything, and I have nothing to show. I start to turn on the negative faucet and pour it all over myself.

When I catch myself doing this, I turn it off. I stop looking. I stop trying to understand why they are so “great.” I try to focus on myself and what makes me “great” or what “in” nature is beautiful at that moment. One of these two mental exercises does pull me out of my head.

So, these are some exercises to help me to learn to love myself. You will be able to say good things about yourself. That initial haze of feeling stupid and vain will start to fade out. This is just your “friend” trying to stop you from seeing your truth. You will begin to pick up the habit of counteracting some of your thoughts and distortions.

If you spend most of your time, your thoughts and your energy on your body shape and flawed mind, you won’t indeed be happy. It takes so much energy and time out of your life. You need to let go of the obsessive thoughts and learn to love yourself and to live life.

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The Haiku Week Featured

The Haiku Week #1

Day 1:
Today is the day
When the two of us collide
I take a deep breath

Day 2:
There is a valley
It is filled with gray clouds
Now, there is no room

Day 3:
Now all is silent
Mid-flight whispers are captured
It is dense and gone

Day 4:
Pounding of my head
Stomach pings – feels empty
‘Caused not by hunger

Day 5:
Smells like a sweet wind
Feels like stinging abrasions
Eyes are closed for gusts

Day 6:
Obscure dancing cries
Callous shocks beat my skin
Awareness implodes

Day 7:
Lost what I can see
Flowers do not smell so sweet
Found in the shadows

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I don’t want to deal

This blog is just a free following piece about my day and feelings. I am sure it will be riddled with a ton of grammar mistakes, but that is my natural state of being. I am completely imperfect.

It’s a cold day in Brooklyn. I do not want to go outdoors but I must as my job is to be there. Most of the time I do not mind it, but today, it just seems unmeasurable in torture.

My daughter is sick, and I feel I should be here for her. I don’t see her enough and here I go, leaving her when she needs me. I worry that my actions will mess her up somehow, but I try not to think of it. I have to work. I have to provide support to her and my family.

I always worry that I am never good enough. I am also self-absorbed and stuck in my head. I keep wondering of what could be instead of what is now. I try to think of ways to be more present, but sometimes I fail. I am just not ready to deal.

It is cold out today, and I don’t want to deal. I would rather be indoors and help my child heal.

#family #familyandfriemds #familyframes #freeflow #anxiety #sick #anxietyhelp #anxietyrelief #anxietydisorder #anxietyattack #anxietysucks #random #rambles

Crap! I forgot to check my Facebook Page!

Well, hello!

If you are like me, you have multiple accounts on several various sites, and it gets overwhelming, neglectful and forgetful sometimes? I am willing to guess that it gets so overwhelming you sometimes wish there is a way you can manage all your accounts at once and from one place.

Well, there is.

You see, I am just like you, I have several social media accounts and websites that I didn’t know where to begin and how to go about managing all of them. This resulted in me working below efficiency and being a trifle incompetent. One day I got tired of it all and decided to do what exactly it is you are doing right now: research. In the course of this, I found out that there are several tools out there that can help you manage your online presence seamlessly from one page. I dug further and found out that apart from managing my posts, these online tools can also assist me in achieving my online interactions and engagements as well as analyze my presence.

This was a little daunting at first but when I got the hang of it, things progressed smoothly, and they have been going on well ever since. The online management tools I use involve managing an entire array and spectrum of accounts from one dashboard. Imagine how productive I am now. You can also leverage on this online management tools to not only build and manage your company’s online presence but also to efficiently operate and maintain your personal brand online.

The two mentioned below have free options if you wanted to try it out to see if it works for you, so go for it!

Buffer: buffer is another online tool that you can use to manage your online presence. You can use this site to schedule posts for whichever time you wish and never worry about meeting up with time constraints again. This site has an interface that is amazing in its simplicity. It also affords the opportunity to share links in a very flexible manner.

IFTTT: this site is super productive and effective. While setting it up might be quite daunting and time-consuming, it is pretty downhill once that is done with.

There are also quite many online tools that you can use to monitor the world wide web and find out who and where they are talking about you. This allows you to control how your brand is perceived, engage your customers and efficiently be on hand to provide assistance and enlightenment to those who require it. It just takes some time and research to find one that works for you.

Hopefully, after reading through this, you are better able to manage your online presence and stay sane enough to give your time, energy and attention to other important things. If you have your own tools and suggestions, just let me know. I am always open to learning more.

What Am I Doing?

If you landed on my page you are probably wondering what is going on with it or you just don’t care, and you moved on.

For 2019, I want to organize my online presence and streamline my life. This year was great, but as my mind has it….I am just all over the place. I am so into and want to do everything that I am only scattered into a million different times, places and beings. What’s my name again?

So, starting today and in the great future, this will be my central location of all things me.  It will take some time to master, and I will be posting my journey into decluttering and altogether life moments.  If you made it this far, great!

Great! Thank you!

Please stick around and read and view some more organized randomness.

Organizing your own boat
Photo by Jayant Kulkarni on Pexels.com

“Clutter is the physical manifestation of unmade decisions fueled by procrastination”   ― Christina Scalise