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“Stop being a Jerk!”

No one has ever really said to me, “ Hey, I believe the emotion is self-serving. You jerk. ” yet, it could not strike me at all to see that some of my friends and family believe my emotions are self-serving. Furthermore to be clear, getting emotional does cause me to do some pretty self-centered things at the name of self-care. Then to those people who believe my emotion is selfish, I get it.

Really, I do.

The situation is, my emotions are uncertain, so sometimes I’m somewhat unpredictable. There’s not more I can do about this. I can’t just plan my anxiety attacks ahead of time. Oh, sometimes managing my emotions means canceling plans last minute so I will stay home and concentrate on my breathing. Sometimes it means dropping out with my friends. I would rather instead virtually observe and like photos. I totally can’t speak to them when I am way too anxious.

While I ultimately see how someone might believe my emotion is merely an excuse to be a flaky jerk, it’s really not. I’ve realized that I can be sort of flaky sometimes. Yes, I don’t attend functions and would rather avoid your text on an invitation than confront the fact that I will disappoint you. I mean I am literally worried about everything at that point. I am too worried to understand that not saying anything is worse than a saying, “no.”

This is rude as hell, but on these times that my emotions are out of power, it’s not at all unusual for me to withdraw any and all plans to interact with other humans. There are moments when my mind is trying very hard to defend me by getting me to accept the worst possible consequences for my actions, which sometimes only leads me to get more emotional than I had been in the first place.

Let me be clear: No one has ever really said to me, “ Hey, I believe the emotion is self-serving. You jerk. ” However, every day, I feel like this, and it doesn’t go away. I have learned to accept it and clear out some of the mental clutter, but when an attack happens I want to scream to my anxiety, “Why are you taking this away from my loved ones and me? I want to feel and experience!”

“Stop being a Jerk!”

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You are a Limited Resource

Hey you!

Did you realize that you’re a limited resource?

There is a no different person on the earth like you. You deserve to be known not just by those in you but by the most significant being in your life— you. Practicing self-love may be challenging for some of us, particularly at times when we face difficult challenges. It’s not about state self-absorbed or narcissistic, it’s about having a feeling with ourselves, our well-being and our passion. We learn self-love so we can go through our limiting beliefs and live the time that really shines.

My hypothesis works like this: Self-Love is the solution for growing into productive and running towards our goals. Self-Love is this motive we want to adapt to move harder with our relationships and self-betterment. Self-Love can really make us where we need to get in life. I believe Self-Love may be the solution for halting Anxiety and unhappiness (which be a lot more prevalent today) before they start.

That self-love does not mean getting soft on ourselves always, speaking to ourselves at sugary consolation, or being gentle hearted. As a matter of fact, I’d reason self-love is the opposite. Self-love, and knowing our creation, is about being dominant. It’s like the strength you can get out and strengthen. It’s the means of being weak, opening up, being compassionate towards ourselves, and being able to go through the uncertainty and bad feelings that do so well.

Self-love is not about being too balanced and intrigued with this idea of me or mine. Self-love involves a paradigm change that requires being able to feel connected to the power much higher than our specific self.

Make the image a try and see how self-love gains in your life. You are your own resource and love the comes from you will affect your world and those in it.

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Simple Reasons to Why I Practice Yoga

One thing that people don’t know about me is that I once was certified for Yoga teaching. I love yoga. It truly helps me align and reminds me of how to I am connecting to the world and my being. It aligns my heart in my mind to help to draw all of my soul’s passions.

Here are my three reasons for loving yoga as a daily practice.

The first reason is that it challenges me both physically and emotionally. I feel inwardly energetic. This allows building strength both physically and mentally which helps to build flexibility; it makes mobility in my present to help guide me to a better future.

The second reason, it helps me to develop self-awareness. It connects me to mental awareness of my emotional stability and spiritual communication. My mind grows to have the ability to have self-awareness. It allows me to be opened to self-discovery, self-exploration, self-love and to have compassion for self-forgiveness. These types of self-reflections all happen on my yoga mat. It really does help to keep me grounded and eases me to stable homeostasis.

The third reason is merely feeling the connection to me. It allows me to grant myself progression to recognize and explore relationships with other people. We are all a part of one earth, and with everything on it, we share our energy with one another. If I feel content, that feeling can be pass to another person who may feel discontent.

It’s your journey. When your reasons to practice yoga might be different than mine. I would love to know your intention to why your practice yoga or why want to start your yoga practice.

I hope you have a beautiful day.

namaste

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Patterns, Depression, Anxiety and Coping with Life

This blog is just a free following piece about my day and feelings. I am sure it will be riddled with a ton of grammar mistakes, but that is my natural state of being. I am completely imperfect.

I have a lot of catching up to do in my life, including this blog. I have been struggling a little bit with depression and anxiety. I get triggered a little easier these days.

I don’t know how to explain these triggers as I get older. My life has become too simple but all so complicated. I don’t have a passion for many things anymore. I don’t know if it’s depression or anxiety and being accustomed to the numbness, but it’s there. It hurts not to feel.

I do have issues with understanding emotions ever since I was a kid, so I learned to pick up patterns. If a,b,c happens, then d,e,f will follow. I have had a perfect system and could predict other’s emotions. My goal with this technique was to keep others calm and collected, so they do not become unpredictable.

I am at a point that I have no idea what system to use. So much has happened because I have predicted the outcome very wrong. I also have foresight but not for the little things. As some people get older, they pay attention to things at don’t matter and get angry if material items are not just right.

Why?

I try to open a conversation to understand what is going on.

Why does this matter?

For me, it is to understand the emotions behind the grievance so I may not do it again or can have that critical conversation to better the relationship.

I do come off as cold.

I am not cold. If I don’t understand, and if the willingness to not be open isn’t there, I freeze. I am frozen. I can’t have a conversation with someone who judges without justification or at least a little more insight into why they are the way. I don’t see the point of exposing myself to things that can hurt.

So, what about today. I am writing this freely in hopes to understand why I am so disconnected with everyone at the moment.

I can recognize this trend a little bit.

The past few months have been rough. I have been stalked, shamed, and dismissed.

These are real things, and I am trying to cope with the hurt.

How am I getting out of this cycle?

I am open to my thoughts and concerns. I meditate and breathe. I distract myself with life. Those in between moments of breathing do make me realize things aren’t so bad.

I am talking, despite having the lack and desire. I only hope that these pockets will open me to people, real emotions, and life again.

I pray.
I live.
I hope.
I do.
I am.

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Resolution 2019 – February Update

Now that January is over, I thought it would be best to see if I am still making progress with my many resolutions. I know I have a lot, but I have a lot to change. I think going forward, I may write a post to keep me accountable for the list. So, here we go:

Check-in for Goals for 2019:

Four Months of No Spend in 2019
Not yet, but January I saw a dramatic decrease in my spending. Unfortunately, I had some personal issues at the end of the month that cause me to spend what I saved. I guess I am grateful for the savings as I would not have it otherwise.

February will probably be more of mindful spending and consuming. I am just asking myself those child-like questions, “Do you really need it? Can it wait? Why do you need it.”

Monthly Check-In with Hubby (Goals to Actually Work Together)
This actually happened because I sent him my list. I think I was trapped in doing things rather than thinking of actions and I was a complete mess in December. I was very closed off and was dealing with mental health issues. He made it a point to take, and from that, we were able to solve and restart some plans that became wayward in my mind.

Spend at least 1 whole day per week with my daughter
I know this sound like a silly goal, but I literally worked like every day last year. Much like spending time with everyone else, I didn’t feel complete and insecure enough to show her myself.

So, the beginning of the year was rough because I really didn’t have the time. I took off in December to deal with issues.

However, because I can set my hours and she had a HORRIBLE teacher this year. We decided to pull her from school and home school her. It is a scary thing to be in charge of your kid’s lessons, but last week was magical. She wanted to hang on me and talk to me. We were bonding, it was a very positive experience.

No social media 30 minutes before bed (alarms work great)
Yes, I slipped a couple of times, but for the most part, I been making this resolution. It feels great to take a break from the cyber life that we all create.

I actually didn’t spend much time on any social media. I didn’t have time, because I wanted to focus on these resolutions and my challenges. I am posting more on Instagram, but the pictures are always real. I much rather have two followers on IG than 2,000,000 followers and be pressured to live an artificial life.

No phone for 1 hour in the morning
Not so good at the moment. I started strong but my work is weird, and I get calls and text as soon as I wake up. I have been good at not going on social media for at least an hour, but the no phone rule is pretty tricky for me to do every day. I am still trying tactics to get at least a month to no phone in the morning.

Be in bed at 11pm, Lights out by 12am
This has been the most comfortable resolution. Now, I get tired at 11pm!!!! I have a feeling no social media before bed is helping this goal. I also have set two timers. One at 10:30PM to remind me to get ready and one at 11PM to get ready for sleep. It’s been amazing, and I am really proud of myself with this goal.

Journal for Ten Minutes Each Day
I started out loud, but then life happens. I haven’t touched this for at least ten days. I am not taking it as a bad thing because the pages are not going anywhere. I think I am going to change it to write three sentences a day. It was my old rule, and it seems to work well as a prompt. I will let you know how it goes in February.

Pay at $12,000 off (interest is too high)
With arduous work and support, I have paid $1500 this month 🙂

Spend 1 night with my husband a week (No Interruptions)
This is actually a lot easier when there is no social media presence. You are kind of forced to talk to each other. It’s almost like the bad habits I was picking up came from my desire to be perfect like my friends and influencers. We talk to together. I love it.

Call, Email, Text, or Meet at least one person per day
I have done this goal, and sometimes it is SO HARD to accomplish! I am not a social person. I don’t even know how to start a conversation. Luckily, the few people in my life are amazing and understand my limitation and for now are OK with texting and the occasional GIF.

Try to find ways to work online (shop, blog, freelance)
I have, but not really. January was a hectic month. In February, I am going to really work on my pet store. I need money, and that has to be my focus. I can’t keep putting it off because I am afraid of being a failure.

Continue and Research ways to make money in a smart way
I read articles, watch a video and listen to my other half. All have to give me really great advice.

Build a solid client list for Pet Care
It’s coming along, but I put a freeze on new clients this month. There is so much going on that I thought it would be better to love the clients I have and focus on my personal issues.

10 minutes of Cleaning each Morning
Easy with a timer…I find myself going over the set timer sometimes.

Complete Two: 30-day Declutter Challenge
This is hard. I wrote a blog about how I really don’t have much. I mean I could delete emails. I really don’t know. I am still in the middle of the challenge, but instead, I think I might actually just consider it as getting rid of 460 items rather than a 30-day Challenge.

Check in with Ex at least once a week about my daughter and discuss any challenges
I have done this, and yes, it has been difficult. I care about him and his wellbeing, and it is equally essential for my daughter’s well-being. She sees everything and absorbs everything. This has to work for her sake.

No clothes buying unless needed
I did not purchase but any clothes in January.

Fix my Teeth ASAP
Step one, completed and I am SO happy. I can eat! I have another appointment on the 9th as a follow-up.

So, this is just a simple post to let you know where I stand in my resolutions. How are you doing?

#update #resolution #2019goals #goalsetting #joy #happiness #entrepreneur #nutrition #healthylifestyle #inspiration #gains #business #getoutside #lifestyle #dreambig #eatclean #life #selflove #hardwork #training #gethealthy #exercise #successmindset #muscle #nevergiveup #motivationalquotes #mindset #family

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Loneliness, The Fear of Being Hurt

One of scariest feelings is loneliness. Thinking that people do not get you can paralyze your life and dissolve your laughter.
Loneliness prevents you from talking out your problems with others and gives you a false sense of security that you are safe.

This false sense of security most likely happened because you were hurt deeply by someone or something. Being alone is the great escape as it prevents more hurt from entering your soul. However, it doesn’t help. It’s a trap. It makes you replay the betrayal over and over again until what was a real memory becomes morphed with a negative belief. You relive every moment in every situation that reminds you of that hurt. You live in the past trying to get through the present with eyes shut. The future will always be dark until we can open our eyes.

How do we get past this?

It seems to be everywhere, and some have it worse than others, while others are never alone. It’s easier said than done, and I don’t know if it can be fixed…so my depression and anxiety would like me to believe.

When I am down, I feel most alone. I am ashamed of myself and what I am thinking. It can be an awful mess, and I have to be mindful of “waiting it out” until I can see a spark of light. These moments of light have become frequent, but it can be quickly turned off if I am not careful.

During these fragmented moments, I have filled it with patches of hope. It is a point that wants to see the world and remind me that there are people out there. Some that may want to help me or acknowledge me. I get scared with even thinking of this. It’s the fear of hurt that keeps people and thoughts away.

One thought: there are people out there. They do not want to hurt me, and therefore I am honestly never alone. There is so much out in the world, and there is so much potential to not to be alone.

Fear is not immoral it exposes your vulnerabilities so you can respond. Feeling lonely is profound, and for some, including me, it takes more than an enchanting sentence to open one’s eyes. However, I do believe that they can be open, just maybe a little slow and with a bit of more evidence that can only come when allowed to those fragments of light in your mind. You slowly start to see that perhaps you are not alone.

Maybe the people whom you wished to be there aren’t the people you need. Perhaps it is the other person, the person who stands by and waits for your light because they tried a million times to show you. The lessons are there, but we need to be open to being fearless. We would not exist if there weren’t people who cared. Who took care of us when we couldn’t. Those are the people who are there. Those are the people waiting, even if you can’t see them yet.

More importantly, when you do see that you are not alone, it allows you to create memories and experience trust. You can never really get rid of bad experiences, but creating new ones will help ease the bitterness and fear.

It’s a journey that I am always on, but I do believe you can become the best version of you when fear being hurt is closed.

#Loneliness #CBT #lonelinesskills #lonelinessve #lonelinessevenwhenaroundpeople #lonelinessisablessing #loneliness #depression #anxiety #suicide #lonely #lifesucks #therapy #sad #fear #insecurity #hurt #mentalhealth #youtube #livenow #dark

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How to Make Co-Parenting Work

Co-parenting between the separated parents means that both have to share the responsibilities of children’s upbringing. Parents, who decide to do this, must cooperate to make it work. Following the co-parenting plan can be a
good start. However, saying it is easier than doing it. Problems will always rise especially in the case where parents haven’t resolved their internal conflicts.

The most common problem arising is that children keep seeing the ongoing battle between parents after the separation process. It’s unfortunate for the children because it will harm them psychologically. If you experience this problem, use a holistic co-parenting – which consider the arrangement of the co-parenting and the emotional aspect of all parties involved – to solve it. Here are the steps to do it:

Lose your fear
The reason why you keep fighting with your ex is that you still hold pain, as the result of the separation, within you. The pain derives from fear or trauma.

Can you see it now?

So fear or trauma is your conflict’s source. Now that you’ve found it, you have to lose it.

Here are the simple steps to do it:

  • Let all your fear out by writing them down.
  • Deal all your fear one by one.

For example, you’re afraid that you can’t handle the car’s matter which your ex usually did it for you. To lose your fear, go to the mechanic and learn how to deal with it. Once you manage to do it, you’ll gain confidence and fear no more.

Remember past fear and how you’d overcome i

This path down memory lane will make you think, “Hey! I’d overcome my fear. So I’ll be able to deal with this separation too.” This thought will strengthen you.

Cry out loud

Crying will help you in the process of losing fear. After that, you’ll feel relieved and see clearly. Thus, you’ll build positive communication with your ex who will likely give positive feedback for it. Once you do this, you have started a healthy co-parenting.

Ask your friends and family’s support

The process of letting out fear and afterward will take times. You’ll go through the ups and downs of the process. During the time, it’s better to ask for support/help from your friends and family.

As an outsider, they’ll be able to see your problem rationally. Therefore, at times you feel down, they can make you better and help you back to the track where you need to be to do healthy co-parenting.

However, if you think that your friends or family can’t help you due to whatever reasons, get the experts’ help.

Discuss the co-parenting in detail and make the win-win solutions agreement. Conflicts can also happen because of other aspects of co-parenting which are the kind of parenting style which you and your ex use in raising children and the financial matter. Therefore it’s important to discuss both in details.

During the discussion, let out all your thoughts of how you want the arrangement to be. Let your ex do the same. If both of you have differences, find the win-win solutions. So no one will be dissatisfied. Therefore no conflicts arise in the future.

Then make the agreement proved by the court. It’s an important step to do in a holistic co-parenting. This way you, your ex and most importantly your child will get all the deserved rights legally. In the case of unwanted events happen, the law will protect you.

Get me time

The next process you need to go through is that you must get your own me time. Spare time to do enjoying activities such as doing your hobbies, hanging out with your friends, meeting new people, traveling, etc. Do it while your child is with your ex.

Doing fun activities will refresh and relax you. You’ll get positive energy which will make you happy. Suggest your ex to do the same while your child is with you. That way, your ex will be happy too. The act of supporting your ex in term related to co-parenting is necessary also.

Because if your ex is in a healthy emotional state as you do, both of you can make your child happy as well. And this is the core of a holistic co-parenting.

Evaluate the co-parenting you’ve done

If conflicts still happen after all the efforts you’ve done. It’s time to evaluate the co-parenting arrangement. Asking the experts’ help is one thing you and your ex can do. They can give an objective evaluation, help both of you to figure out what’s wrong, and give alternative suggestions. After this evaluation, both of you may have to make a new decision about the co-parenting and repeat the above steps.

If conflicts still happen after all the efforts you’ve done. It’s time to evaluate the co-parenting arrangement. Asking the experts’ help is one thing you and your ex can do. They can give an objective evaluation, help both of you to figure out what’s wrong, and give alternative suggestions. After this evaluation, both of you may have to make a new decision about the co-parenting and repeat the above steps.

It seems tedious to do so but parenting – co-parenting or not – is a life’s time work. Just keep in mind that it’s for your beloved child. That way you’ll feel the hard work of co-parenting is worth to do.

#coparenting #parenting #divorce #blendedfamily #love #family #dad #children #kids #mom #son #marriage #stepparents #stepmom #daughter #bonusmom #stepson #familycourt #stepdaughter #stepkids #stepparenting #child #stepparent #bonuskids #bonusdaughter #bonusfamily #relationship #stepchildren