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Patterns, Depression, Anxiety and Coping with Life

This blog is just a free following piece about my day and feelings. I am sure it will be riddled with a ton of grammar mistakes, but that is my natural state of being. I am completely imperfect.

I have a lot of catching up to do in my life, including this blog. I have been struggling a little bit with depression and anxiety. I get triggered a little easier these days.

I don’t know how to explain these triggers as I get older. My life has become too simple but all so complicated. I don’t have a passion for many things anymore. I don’t know if it’s depression or anxiety and being accustomed to the numbness, but it’s there. It hurts not to feel.

I do have issues with understanding emotions ever since I was a kid, so I learned to pick up patterns. If a,b,c happens, then d,e,f will follow. I have had a perfect system and could predict other’s emotions. My goal with this technique was to keep others calm and collected, so they do not become unpredictable.

I am at a point that I have no idea what system to use. So much has happened because I have predicted the outcome very wrong. I also have foresight but not for the little things. As some people get older, they pay attention to things at don’t matter and get angry if material items are not just right.

Why?

I try to open a conversation to understand what is going on.

Why does this matter?

For me, it is to understand the emotions behind the grievance so I may not do it again or can have that critical conversation to better the relationship.

I do come off as cold.

I am not cold. If I don’t understand, and if the willingness to not be open isn’t there, I freeze. I am frozen. I can’t have a conversation with someone who judges without justification or at least a little more insight into why they are the way. I don’t see the point of exposing myself to things that can hurt.

So, what about today. I am writing this freely in hopes to understand why I am so disconnected with everyone at the moment.

I can recognize this trend a little bit.

The past few months have been rough. I have been stalked, shamed, and dismissed.

These are real things, and I am trying to cope with the hurt.

How am I getting out of this cycle?

I am open to my thoughts and concerns. I meditate and breathe. I distract myself with life. Those in between moments of breathing do make me realize things aren’t so bad.

I am talking, despite having the lack and desire. I only hope that these pockets will open me to people, real emotions, and life again.

I pray.
I live.
I hope.
I do.
I am.

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4 Yoga Poses That Help Clear Your Mind, Anxiety or Worry

Were you able to check the inventory stock? Do we have enough staff on duty today? How can I plan my leaving today to go and pick up my kids from school? Have we booked enough appointments today? How will I attend the next meeting? These are some of the questions we have on our minds every day. A cluttered mind may alter our performance, and we may feel worried. However, we need a way to clear up our minds to be our better self and be more productive.

Strength, balance, flexibility, and endurance are all known to be the physical benefits of yoga. However, we also know that there are other health benefits of yoga apart from the physical level. Yoga is, in fact, one of the universal exercises that benefit you emotionally and psychologically.

Yoga is essential because it helps to cultivate awareness of the thoughts and sensations, mindfulness, and emotions; this makes us assume that it is synonymous with meditation. It also helps to boost your breathing and concentration.

To help clear your mind, anxiety and worry, below are four different yoga poses you need to practice:

  • Salutation Seal Pose – This is a simple breathing exercise you can use to start practicing your meditation.

To do this, sit in a cross-legged position on the floor and place your hands together in a prayer position. Forget about everything and focus on your breathing (deep inhaling and exhaling) while straightening your spine.

  • Child’s Pose – Also known as the Balasana Pose, Child’s Pose is a yoga practice that helps stretch your body (ankles, shoulders, spine, back, thighs, and neck), making you stay relaxed completely.

To do this, allow your body to fall forward far from the hips and making your tummy to rests among your thighs and your forehead resting on the mat; you do this while sitting on the floor and relaxing your hips on your heels. Stretch your hands and rest your palms on the mat. While in this position, focus on your breathing. After all, these, breathe deeply and return to the starting point while exhaling slowly.

  • Tree Pose – Also known as Vrikshasana, this pose challenges your sense of balance, and this is a perfect yoga to boost your concentration.

While standing on your feet at a hip distance apart, bend your knee above the knee cap and place its sole on top of the upper inner thigh. Make sure you straighten your left leg while finding your balance. Raise your arms above your head and bring your palms together (like you are praying) while taking a deep breath. You should look straight to balance. Maintain this position for 30 seconds and repeat on the other side.

  • Mountain Pose – Also known as Tadasana, the Mountain Pose helps to relieve back pain, improves posture, and strengthens the knees, ankles, thighs, abdomen, and buttocks. It also helps to steady your breathing and boost your awareness.

To get started, stand with your feet in contact and your back erect. Raise your hands with your palms touching and inhaling deeply. While looking at your fingertips, stretch your body very well and as far as you can. You can also close your eyes while straightening your head. Concentrate on your breathing and maintain this posture for 30 seconds before going back to the normal position and exhale deeply.

Let me know if you agree and if you have a favorite pose that helps you through anxiety to declutter your mind.

#yoga #yogaretreats #yogamorningflow #yogalover #yogastudy #yogaon #yogaaday #yogaforstrenght #yogawith #yogacommunity #yogalifestylefashion #yogainesperance #yogainspiration #yogaanxiety #anxiety #mentalhealth

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Do you have too much pride?

I have too much pride.

I know this is my downfall. I keep everything bottled up and feel as though I can handle it myself. I wish I can say I am humbled, but most of the time, my pride gets in the way.

Pride can creep into our lives. It is a silent destroyer because it feels useful to accomplished a task. However, I need more of it. I have to prove to myself that I am helpful in the world and independent of others. My self-esteem never seems to get any better, but worse. I just can’t come to grips of letting pride go although I have gotten better.

I am not saying pride ins evil. It small quantities can be useful for us. It shows us the things we are doing right. It opens us to be humble of our accomplishment. It is a healthy emotion. What I am talking about it pride being used to protect yourself from dealing with what is not going right in your life.

I could give you a list of the obvious ways that pride can take hold, like being critical of others and caring too much for your appearance, but there are subtle ways pride can show its ugly head. Here are some ways to know if your pride may be unhealthy

1– Unable to accept helpful critiques
People who can’t take constructive criticism, tend to be blinded by their pride. They do not understand the benefit in what someone is advising them. Taking down the wall of pride may show that the advice may help shape them to be a better person.

2– Not being able to ask for help
It is terrific wanting to be independent. Unfortunately, it’s part of our culture to get an accomplishment without help. However, there are times we have to accept that some things are exceeding our ability. If you know you are in dire need of help but can’t make yourself ask for it, you might be dealing with too much pride.

3– Disregarding the advice
This behavior plays with number one. Its source is assuming you have all the solutions. You don’t require or perceive the worth of other viewpoints. If you believe you can be prosperous and succeed in your intentions without the help of others, you may have too much pride.

4 – Talking about Yourself
It’s OK to tell people about your life, as long as you are listening to them and not over-talking or waiting for your turn to express how much better you are compared to them indirectly or directly. If you hear yourself talk about your achievements, your illnesses, your background, degree, or financial status, these are all signs of too much pride.

Pride can sneak into your life in different complex ways. Our culture can sometimes treat humility as a weakness. Humility is a beautiful gift that allows us to be open to people and the world. If you find yourself in one of these thought processes, try to think about it differently and put yourself in someone else’s shoes. You might see that you have more to offer the world and will hopefully help boost your self-esteem and confidence.

#toomuchpride #confidence #ego #myhappyplace #therapy #blessed #droptheego #justgivein #isaidwhatisaid #whodat #2019 #standtall #smile #selflove #selfgrowth #patience #ittakestime

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Loneliness, The Fear of Being Hurt

One of scariest feelings is loneliness. Thinking that people do not get you can paralyze your life and dissolve your laughter.
Loneliness prevents you from talking out your problems with others and gives you a false sense of security that you are safe.

This false sense of security most likely happened because you were hurt deeply by someone or something. Being alone is the great escape as it prevents more hurt from entering your soul. However, it doesn’t help. It’s a trap. It makes you replay the betrayal over and over again until what was a real memory becomes morphed with a negative belief. You relive every moment in every situation that reminds you of that hurt. You live in the past trying to get through the present with eyes shut. The future will always be dark until we can open our eyes.

How do we get past this?

It seems to be everywhere, and some have it worse than others, while others are never alone. It’s easier said than done, and I don’t know if it can be fixed…so my depression and anxiety would like me to believe.

When I am down, I feel most alone. I am ashamed of myself and what I am thinking. It can be an awful mess, and I have to be mindful of “waiting it out” until I can see a spark of light. These moments of light have become frequent, but it can be quickly turned off if I am not careful.

During these fragmented moments, I have filled it with patches of hope. It is a point that wants to see the world and remind me that there are people out there. Some that may want to help me or acknowledge me. I get scared with even thinking of this. It’s the fear of hurt that keeps people and thoughts away.

One thought: there are people out there. They do not want to hurt me, and therefore I am honestly never alone. There is so much out in the world, and there is so much potential to not to be alone.

Fear is not immoral it exposes your vulnerabilities so you can respond. Feeling lonely is profound, and for some, including me, it takes more than an enchanting sentence to open one’s eyes. However, I do believe that they can be open, just maybe a little slow and with a bit of more evidence that can only come when allowed to those fragments of light in your mind. You slowly start to see that perhaps you are not alone.

Maybe the people whom you wished to be there aren’t the people you need. Perhaps it is the other person, the person who stands by and waits for your light because they tried a million times to show you. The lessons are there, but we need to be open to being fearless. We would not exist if there weren’t people who cared. Who took care of us when we couldn’t. Those are the people who are there. Those are the people waiting, even if you can’t see them yet.

More importantly, when you do see that you are not alone, it allows you to create memories and experience trust. You can never really get rid of bad experiences, but creating new ones will help ease the bitterness and fear.

It’s a journey that I am always on, but I do believe you can become the best version of you when fear being hurt is closed.

#Loneliness #CBT #lonelinesskills #lonelinessve #lonelinessevenwhenaroundpeople #lonelinessisablessing #loneliness #depression #anxiety #suicide #lonely #lifesucks #therapy #sad #fear #insecurity #hurt #mentalhealth #youtube #livenow #dark

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Forgiveness: You Have a Choice

Forgiveness is a powerful act in the human psyche. If we continue to think in an unforgiving way, we will always have resentment. If we are continually having angry and resentful thoughts, we will never be satisfied and find pleasure.

When we forgive, we are excusing ourselves. If we hold on to our negative emotions and try the justify our negative processes as the way out, we will be stuck in our own prison of shame, anger, and doubt. It is very telling in those situations that we believe we are trying our best to get out, but nothing is working. If you are feeling stuck, maybe you should ask if there is something that you have not forgiven.

When you do not move willingly with life in the present moment, it usually indicates you are leading from the past. Holding on to unforgiveness will consume the present moment. It’s only in the present that can you create your future. Your thoughts and words are powerful, so to not forgive means that you will be bringing your negative emotions into your future self.

When you blame another person for how you feel, give your own power away. You are putting the security for your emotions to someone else.

There is a difference between forgiveness and acceptance. Forgiving someone does not mean that you condone their behavior. The act of forgiveness takes place in your mind. It really has nothing to do with the other person. The truth of forgiveness lies in placing ourselves free from carrying the pain. It is a way of releasing yourself from a negative mindset.

Forgiveness does not mean allowing the painful actions of another to continue in your life. Sometimes forgiveness means letting go. When you forgive and take a stand to your emotions, it helps to set a healthy boundary. When you let it go, you free up some headspace to think of thoughts that make you feel stable. This new headspace may allow you to pay attention to the present moment and give you enough room to create a more positive construct for the future.

You have a choice.

#forgiveness #peace #love #spiritual #life #believe #hope #mindfulpractice #forgive #soul #compassion #wisdom #spirituality #trust #mind #worry #meditation #calm #faithful #destiny #guidance #meditate #thankful

Banana Bread Featured

Yummy Banana Breakfast Bread

I had some time to spare and a few ripe bananas. I thought I would share the recipe that I use when making banana bread. It is super easy and is a great snack or part of your breakfast.

Whenever I get overwhelmed or need to focus, I find cooking does that for me. I loved cooking since I was tiny and experimented with all kinds of ingredients to feed my brothers and sisters. Sometimes the food came out fantastic and other times….well, not so much.

There is actually a movement for this type of therapy, which I will reference below that states:

Cooking and baking are pursuits that fit a type of therapy known as behavioral activation. The goal is to alleviate depression by boosting positive activity, increasing goal-oriented behavior and curbing procrastination and passivity.

If the activity is defined as personally rewarding or giving a sense of accomplishment or pleasure, or even seeing the joy of that pumpkin bread with chocolate chips making someone else happy, then it could improve a sense of well-being,” says Jacqueline Gollan, associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago.”

So, if you need a pick me up, please try this recipe.

Dry Ingredients:
3/4 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 cup white sugar & 1/4 cup of brown sugar
1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda

Wet Ingredients:
4 ripe bananas
5 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
3 eggs, room temperature

  1. Preheat oven to 350 F
  2. To a large mixing bowl add, all-purpose flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon
  3. Combine and blend well together and set aside
  4. In a separate mixing bowl, add 4 very ripe bananas and mash well with a fork until it looks like paste
  5. Add butter and room temperature eggs and combine all together with a fork until it is well-mixed.
  6. Combine wet and dry ingredients together and mix well
  7. To a greased loaf pan or use parchment paper (it’s up to you)
  8. Pour batter into pan
  9. Distribute evenly and press down on the mixture to remove any air bubbles
  10. Bake for 40-50 min (test with a toothpick around 40 min and it comes out cleanly, remove)
  11. Let cool on a wire rack

Eat and Enjoy!

What’s your favorite breakfast recipe? Do you enjoy cooking?

Please let me know.

A Road to Mental Health Through the Kitchen: https://www.wsj.com/articles/a-road-to-mental-health-through-the-kitchen-1418059204

#bananabreadrecipe #bananabread #banana #sundaybaking #baking #nondietapproach #bakingrecipes #bananarecipes #nondiet #bananabreas #therapy #depression #selfove

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How to Recognize A Toxic Person

For most of us, we like to assume in the best of people. Unfortunately, that can get us in trouble. Toxic people do exist, and chances are we’ve met one. Sometimes they might not even realize they’re causing harm to others. Other times, they are fully aware of the power they hold over other people and actively aim to do damage.

Fortunately, there are warning signs, so please be mindful when reading this post. It could be information in this piece to help you understand a difficult person in your life.

Toxic people play the victim, they are in a constant state of their tragic world. The people who struggle with the victim mentality doesn’t think they have power over their lives and they blame other people in the circumstances. This can be from being unhappy to avoid taking responsibility for their lives. Playing the victim can give someone the power to control another person. These type of people seem to prey on your feelings of compassion and goodwill. They usually do to see how much you are willing to surrender to make them happy. You will not make them happy and will end up wasting your time and energy.

A classic victim attitude is when they flip a situation to make it about them. They put themselves down while defensively blaming you for their life situation.

If you have caught someone lying several times about things that generally are ordinary, you might be dealing is a pathological liar.

Pathological liars are someone who continuously lies to protect their image. They are masters of manipulation. They tend to be impulsive people with a need to fascinate others. They might not always have a purpose to why they are lying.

The pathological liar can leave you feeling frustrated, misguided, and neurotic. It might even make you question your rationality. Pathological lying can also be a symptom of more severe problems of mental illness. Please ask for advice from a professional should you suspect mental illness.

Emotional abuse can be one of the most grievous forms of savagery. It creates marks that can last longer than physical ones and it’s challenging to detect. This type of toxic person can leave you with depression, demoralization, self-blame, and very low self-esteem.

Emotional abuse can be passive aggressive behavior, shouting, depreciating, judgment and be accusatory to your actions.

Certain people project their vulnerabilities and insecurities onto another person in the form of anger and bullying. They are ineffective of considering limits. They can’t process their own toxicity. They deal with it by putting it on to someone else. They will try to break your will. They need to make someone feel small, so they can feel big.

You are usually walking on eggshells around this person. The person can routinely mock you and dismiss your beliefs, thoughts, and feelings. They will blame you for the problems in your relationship and tell you that is it your fault. If you find yourself in an emotionally abusive situation, please distance yourself. You are worth more than what you are being told.

Toxic people can be master manipulators, and they are smart about hiding their true intentions. They try to control people whether directly or indirectly. They need something from you and will work hard to make sure they get it. They might be utterly incapable of feeling remorse and recognizing their bad behavior.

A controlling person needs to know where you are at all times. They like to micromanage your work. They will try to pull you away from your loved ones and friends. They will try to keep you for themselves. If you are dealing with this type of personality, talk to them and if that doesn’t get through to them, gracious leave or distance yourself.

I mentioned a couple of times about toxic people and how we should try not to have them in our lives. A toxic person doesn’t have to be toxic to everyone, they could be using you. You may also find that you may fit into one of these definitions of a toxic person. Before you dump someone or truly start to doubt your existence, I would recommend talking to people and researching before many any decisions.

We all deserve to live in harmony. If you find yourself in one of
these situations, please take the necessary steps to make your life better.

Points of Reference:
Dealing With Toxic People You Can’t Just Cut Out Forever: https://www.scarymommy.com/dealing-with-toxic-people/

8 Strategies for Dealing With the Toxic People in Your Life:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201612/8-strategies-dealing-the-toxic-people-in-your-life

How Emotionally Intelligent People Handle Toxic People: http://www.talentsmart.com/articles/How-Emotionally-Intelligent-People-Handle-Toxic-People-1028629190-p-1.html

Signs of a Toxic Person and How to Cut Those Toxic People out of Your Life: https://theartofcharm.com/empowerment/cut-toxic-people-life/

7 Types of Toxic People and How to Spot Them: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/toxic-people/

#selflove #psychopath #survivor #boundaries #selfcare #narcissism #divorce #nocontact #healing #npd #empath #fakelove #anxiety #domesticabuse #love #liar #cheater #narcissisticabusesurvivor #cptsd #narcissisticmother #depression #fraud #toxicrelationship #traumabonding #loveyourself #pathologicalliar #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #awareness #motivationalquotes #recovery