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Holding Yourself Back

Tip: Look for a language that places you as a victim. “No one understands” or “always happens to me bad” is a red flag.

If you are thinking of yourself as a victim, take a deep breath and then make a step to improve your life. The best way to deal with self-doubt is to test your forehead on your forethoughts. Your brain will have a slight difference of observation as you confirm that your mind is capable and having checked your doubts will develop your mind.

You cannot expect to know everything about yourself when you don’t try. If you think of yourself as an expert in something, it’s easy to assume that you know everything. You have to be open to change. Decluttering your mind opens you up to that change and to new possibilities. You can learn from others’ and your mistakes and make better decisions for yourself. It’s a good idea to keep your mind free of all the things you don’t need and just focus on what you do need to be content with life.

These are some suggestions helping to get rid of any clutter in your mind that may be holding you back. If you are not sure where to start, try these tips:

  1. Find a place that feels comfortable so you can be opened to change and find an intention.
  2. Find someone who has been there before and knows how to deal with it.
  3. Take some time to think about what you want out of life and then find a way to make it happen.
  4. Find a hobby that makes you happy and doesn’t require much effort. This is a great way to keep yourself busy while also keeping your mind clear and focused.
  5. Do something that makes you feel good about yourself and your work even if it’s just for a few minutes.
  6. Take a walk around your neighborhood or park.
  7. Find a quiet spot in your house where you can sit and meditate.
  8. Write down all the things you need to do, and list them on a piece of paper in order of importance.
  9. Get rid of anything that distracts you from your work-related tasks by being mindful of the actions you take before you start your work. You will be surprised just how much mess you have in your mind before you even begin an important task.

How do you protect your mind? Find your intention or purpose for your moment or day. Focus on what needs to be done to help get some of the load off your mind. The intention is an integral part of your life, and we all need to be aware of what it’s doing to us.

When you’re in a mental state of chaos, there is no way out but through the mind. If you want to get rid of clutter, then stop thinking about it and start focusing on the present moment or your intention. Don’t think about how much time you have left or if you can’t get it done. Just do it.

This will help you feel more at peace with yourself and your surroundings. I’m sure you’ve heard this before: ” the only thing that matters is what happens next. So make the most of it! Don’t worry about tomorrow, just live now!”.

If we will focus on how we use our self to organize your thoughts and create a life of mindfulness and relaxation, peace, peace, and freedom.

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What I ate for dinner this week

I am not a chef, but I like to make food. I love being able to sit with my family and have a moment to regroup, talk or even watch a movie. It’s the family time in my home. I feel like the outside world is on hold while I enjoy my moments with the people I love.

Sometimes I eat quite a unique blends of foods and spices. I’d instead do that then let food go to waste. It also sparks creativity in me when the world can be so cold. These are the best thing about dinners for me.

What about you?

Penne Pasta with Pesto Tomato Sauce
Roasted Chicken with Carrots and Quinoa
Sausage and Peppers with White Rice
Potato Soup (Minus Liquid — I know, I hate soup though) with Garlic Bread
Stuffed Zucchini with White Rice
Greek Salad Mixed with other salad stuff and French Fries
Penne Pasta with Broccoli and Chicken

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Low-Key Week of Clothes

“Fashion fades, style is eternal.” – Yves Saint-Laurent

It’s winter in Brooklyn and unless you work in the fashion industry, you probably are not wearing your best clothes in fear of the snow, salt, and cold. My job is a little unique because I get to work from home or be outside walking (a lot). My fashion is pretty low-key both I thought it would be fun to share my week with you.

It’s winter in Brooklyn, and unless you work in the fashion industry, you probably are not wearing your best clothes in fear of the snow, salt, and cold. I want an outfit that is comfy, cozy and casual. My job is a little unique because I get to work from home or be outside walking (a lot). My fashion is pretty low-key both I thought it would be fun to share my week with you in clothes.

I don’t own very much in the way of clothes. I have a small wardrobe. I don’t need very much and I usually, wait for the season or things to worn. I guess this is an excellent way to see a low-key fashion minimalist style.

Let me know your style in the comments below:

Day 1
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4
Day 5
Laundry Day mean Pajama Day!

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30 Day Declutter Challenge – Week 3 – Kind of?

I decided to do the 30-day decluttered challenge. In this challenge, you have 30 days to declutter items from your home. In this challenge, the day of the challenge pairs with the number of items you have to get rid of, so one day 1, you pick one item to get rid of and on day 30, you get rid of thirty pieces. So, in total, you will be getting rid of 460 things.

It has been a journey for me to downsize my material possessions. I’ve been doing it for over two years and still have a lot to go. What I want in my home are items that bring me joy and less work.

I am still sticking with the theme of the “30-Day Challenge,” but really my goal is to get rid of 460 items. It sounds like a cheat, but I don’t think so because it’s my things and my journey.

I am trying to be thoughtful in this journey because the worse thing I can do it totally get rid of my stuff and then it ends up in the dump. I don’t want to me that person. I have found some places on the internet and on Brooklyn that recycle your items or actually use the items you donate. I have also been known to give a homeless person a pair of shoes or a sweatshirt or two if they need it. There is always a way not to waste. At least, that is what I hope for in this process.

So, below are the items that I am decarding this week. I hope some of these things will be helpful to others. Some of the items are things that I really need to get rid of because they are old or empty. Let me know if you are on a similar journey, and I would love to see what you are decluttering too.

Also to remind you that you should have fun with the challenge. If you truly love an item, don’t throw it out for the sake of the challenge or the status quo. This exercise intends to make your home a representation of you and your family.

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Sunday in Dumbo in Pictures

Today is a very nice day. It’s a contrast to what last weeks frigid temperatures did to my body. I am still thawing out from the ice bone chill. I decided to take some photos. I hope you enjoy them.

Dumbo is near the Hudson River in Brooklyn, NY.

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Loneliness, The Fear of Being Hurt

One of scariest feelings is loneliness. Thinking that people do not get you can paralyze your life and dissolve your laughter.
Loneliness prevents you from talking out your problems with others and gives you a false sense of security that you are safe.

This false sense of security most likely happened because you were hurt deeply by someone or something. Being alone is the great escape as it prevents more hurt from entering your soul. However, it doesn’t help. It’s a trap. It makes you replay the betrayal over and over again until what was a real memory becomes morphed with a negative belief. You relive every moment in every situation that reminds you of that hurt. You live in the past trying to get through the present with eyes shut. The future will always be dark until we can open our eyes.

How do we get past this?

It seems to be everywhere, and some have it worse than others, while others are never alone. It’s easier said than done, and I don’t know if it can be fixed…so my depression and anxiety would like me to believe.

When I am down, I feel most alone. I am ashamed of myself and what I am thinking. It can be an awful mess, and I have to be mindful of “waiting it out” until I can see a spark of light. These moments of light have become frequent, but it can be quickly turned off if I am not careful.

During these fragmented moments, I have filled it with patches of hope. It is a point that wants to see the world and remind me that there are people out there. Some that may want to help me or acknowledge me. I get scared with even thinking of this. It’s the fear of hurt that keeps people and thoughts away.

One thought: there are people out there. They do not want to hurt me, and therefore I am honestly never alone. There is so much out in the world, and there is so much potential to not to be alone.

Fear is not immoral it exposes your vulnerabilities so you can respond. Feeling lonely is profound, and for some, including me, it takes more than an enchanting sentence to open one’s eyes. However, I do believe that they can be open, just maybe a little slow and with a bit of more evidence that can only come when allowed to those fragments of light in your mind. You slowly start to see that perhaps you are not alone.

Maybe the people whom you wished to be there aren’t the people you need. Perhaps it is the other person, the person who stands by and waits for your light because they tried a million times to show you. The lessons are there, but we need to be open to being fearless. We would not exist if there weren’t people who cared. Who took care of us when we couldn’t. Those are the people who are there. Those are the people waiting, even if you can’t see them yet.

More importantly, when you do see that you are not alone, it allows you to create memories and experience trust. You can never really get rid of bad experiences, but creating new ones will help ease the bitterness and fear.

It’s a journey that I am always on, but I do believe you can become the best version of you when fear being hurt is closed.

#Loneliness #CBT #lonelinesskills #lonelinessve #lonelinessevenwhenaroundpeople #lonelinessisablessing #loneliness #depression #anxiety #suicide #lonely #lifesucks #therapy #sad #fear #insecurity #hurt #mentalhealth #youtube #livenow #dark

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How to Make Co-Parenting Work

Co-parenting between the separated parents means that both have to share the responsibilities of children’s upbringing. Parents, who decide to do this, must cooperate to make it work. Following the co-parenting plan can be a
good start. However, saying it is easier than doing it. Problems will always rise especially in the case where parents haven’t resolved their internal conflicts.

The most common problem arising is that children keep seeing the ongoing battle between parents after the separation process. It’s unfortunate for the children because it will harm them psychologically. If you experience this problem, use a holistic co-parenting – which consider the arrangement of the co-parenting and the emotional aspect of all parties involved – to solve it. Here are the steps to do it:

Lose your fear
The reason why you keep fighting with your ex is that you still hold pain, as the result of the separation, within you. The pain derives from fear or trauma.

Can you see it now?

So fear or trauma is your conflict’s source. Now that you’ve found it, you have to lose it.

Here are the simple steps to do it:

  • Let all your fear out by writing them down.
  • Deal all your fear one by one.

For example, you’re afraid that you can’t handle the car’s matter which your ex usually did it for you. To lose your fear, go to the mechanic and learn how to deal with it. Once you manage to do it, you’ll gain confidence and fear no more.

Remember past fear and how you’d overcome i

This path down memory lane will make you think, “Hey! I’d overcome my fear. So I’ll be able to deal with this separation too.” This thought will strengthen you.

Cry out loud

Crying will help you in the process of losing fear. After that, you’ll feel relieved and see clearly. Thus, you’ll build positive communication with your ex who will likely give positive feedback for it. Once you do this, you have started a healthy co-parenting.

Ask your friends and family’s support

The process of letting out fear and afterward will take times. You’ll go through the ups and downs of the process. During the time, it’s better to ask for support/help from your friends and family.

As an outsider, they’ll be able to see your problem rationally. Therefore, at times you feel down, they can make you better and help you back to the track where you need to be to do healthy co-parenting.

However, if you think that your friends or family can’t help you due to whatever reasons, get the experts’ help.

Discuss the co-parenting in detail and make the win-win solutions agreement. Conflicts can also happen because of other aspects of co-parenting which are the kind of parenting style which you and your ex use in raising children and the financial matter. Therefore it’s important to discuss both in details.

During the discussion, let out all your thoughts of how you want the arrangement to be. Let your ex do the same. If both of you have differences, find the win-win solutions. So no one will be dissatisfied. Therefore no conflicts arise in the future.

Then make the agreement proved by the court. It’s an important step to do in a holistic co-parenting. This way you, your ex and most importantly your child will get all the deserved rights legally. In the case of unwanted events happen, the law will protect you.

Get me time

The next process you need to go through is that you must get your own me time. Spare time to do enjoying activities such as doing your hobbies, hanging out with your friends, meeting new people, traveling, etc. Do it while your child is with your ex.

Doing fun activities will refresh and relax you. You’ll get positive energy which will make you happy. Suggest your ex to do the same while your child is with you. That way, your ex will be happy too. The act of supporting your ex in term related to co-parenting is necessary also.

Because if your ex is in a healthy emotional state as you do, both of you can make your child happy as well. And this is the core of a holistic co-parenting.

Evaluate the co-parenting you’ve done

If conflicts still happen after all the efforts you’ve done. It’s time to evaluate the co-parenting arrangement. Asking the experts’ help is one thing you and your ex can do. They can give an objective evaluation, help both of you to figure out what’s wrong, and give alternative suggestions. After this evaluation, both of you may have to make a new decision about the co-parenting and repeat the above steps.

If conflicts still happen after all the efforts you’ve done. It’s time to evaluate the co-parenting arrangement. Asking the experts’ help is one thing you and your ex can do. They can give an objective evaluation, help both of you to figure out what’s wrong, and give alternative suggestions. After this evaluation, both of you may have to make a new decision about the co-parenting and repeat the above steps.

It seems tedious to do so but parenting – co-parenting or not – is a life’s time work. Just keep in mind that it’s for your beloved child. That way you’ll feel the hard work of co-parenting is worth to do.

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