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How to Make Co-Parenting Work

Co-parenting between the separated parents means that both have to share the responsibilities of children’s upbringing. Parents, who decide to do this, must cooperate to make it work. Following the co-parenting plan can be a
good start. However, saying it is easier than doing it. Problems will always rise especially in the case where parents haven’t resolved their internal conflicts.

The most common problem arising is that children keep seeing the ongoing battle between parents after the separation process. It’s unfortunate for the children because it will harm them psychologically. If you experience this problem, use a holistic co-parenting – which consider the arrangement of the co-parenting and the emotional aspect of all parties involved – to solve it. Here are the steps to do it:

Lose your fear
The reason why you keep fighting with your ex is that you still hold pain, as the result of the separation, within you. The pain derives from fear or trauma.

Can you see it now?

So fear or trauma is your conflict’s source. Now that you’ve found it, you have to lose it.

Here are the simple steps to do it:

  • Let all your fear out by writing them down.
  • Deal all your fear one by one.

For example, you’re afraid that you can’t handle the car’s matter which your ex usually did it for you. To lose your fear, go to the mechanic and learn how to deal with it. Once you manage to do it, you’ll gain confidence and fear no more.

Remember past fear and how you’d overcome i

This path down memory lane will make you think, “Hey! I’d overcome my fear. So I’ll be able to deal with this separation too.” This thought will strengthen you.

Cry out loud

Crying will help you in the process of losing fear. After that, you’ll feel relieved and see clearly. Thus, you’ll build positive communication with your ex who will likely give positive feedback for it. Once you do this, you have started a healthy co-parenting.

Ask your friends and family’s support

The process of letting out fear and afterward will take times. You’ll go through the ups and downs of the process. During the time, it’s better to ask for support/help from your friends and family.

As an outsider, they’ll be able to see your problem rationally. Therefore, at times you feel down, they can make you better and help you back to the track where you need to be to do healthy co-parenting.

However, if you think that your friends or family can’t help you due to whatever reasons, get the experts’ help.

Discuss the co-parenting in detail and make the win-win solutions agreement. Conflicts can also happen because of other aspects of co-parenting which are the kind of parenting style which you and your ex use in raising children and the financial matter. Therefore it’s important to discuss both in details.

During the discussion, let out all your thoughts of how you want the arrangement to be. Let your ex do the same. If both of you have differences, find the win-win solutions. So no one will be dissatisfied. Therefore no conflicts arise in the future.

Then make the agreement proved by the court. It’s an important step to do in a holistic co-parenting. This way you, your ex and most importantly your child will get all the deserved rights legally. In the case of unwanted events happen, the law will protect you.

Get me time

The next process you need to go through is that you must get your own me time. Spare time to do enjoying activities such as doing your hobbies, hanging out with your friends, meeting new people, traveling, etc. Do it while your child is with your ex.

Doing fun activities will refresh and relax you. You’ll get positive energy which will make you happy. Suggest your ex to do the same while your child is with you. That way, your ex will be happy too. The act of supporting your ex in term related to co-parenting is necessary also.

Because if your ex is in a healthy emotional state as you do, both of you can make your child happy as well. And this is the core of a holistic co-parenting.

Evaluate the co-parenting you’ve done

If conflicts still happen after all the efforts you’ve done. It’s time to evaluate the co-parenting arrangement. Asking the experts’ help is one thing you and your ex can do. They can give an objective evaluation, help both of you to figure out what’s wrong, and give alternative suggestions. After this evaluation, both of you may have to make a new decision about the co-parenting and repeat the above steps.

If conflicts still happen after all the efforts you’ve done. It’s time to evaluate the co-parenting arrangement. Asking the experts’ help is one thing you and your ex can do. They can give an objective evaluation, help both of you to figure out what’s wrong, and give alternative suggestions. After this evaluation, both of you may have to make a new decision about the co-parenting and repeat the above steps.

It seems tedious to do so but parenting – co-parenting or not – is a life’s time work. Just keep in mind that it’s for your beloved child. That way you’ll feel the hard work of co-parenting is worth to do.

#coparenting #parenting #divorce #blendedfamily #love #family #dad #children #kids #mom #son #marriage #stepparents #stepmom #daughter #bonusmom #stepson #familycourt #stepdaughter #stepkids #stepparenting #child #stepparent #bonuskids #bonusdaughter #bonusfamily #relationship #stepchildren

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30 Day Declutter Challenge – Week 1

For January, I decided to do the 30-day decluttered challenge. In this challenge, you have 30 days to declutter items from your home. In this challenge, the day of the challenge pairs with the number of items you have to get rid of, so one day 1, you pick one item to get rid of and on day 30, you get rid of thirty pieces. So, in total, you will be getting rid of 460 things.

It has been a journey for me to downsize my material possessions. I’ve been doing it for over two years and still have a lot to go. What I want in my home are items that bring me joy and less work. So, I hope that this challenge will help me appreciate the things and also recognize the things that I don’t need. Each week, I will post pictures of the items that I will be getting rid of in my home.

For the most part, the items that I discard are going to be recycled or sold. However, it’s important to note that when you are doing to this type of challenge, that it is also a mindful practice. Please remember that there are many options to get healthily rid of your stuff. You may have a friend who needs a sweater or a homeless person who needs shoes. You may want to sell your favorite dress that you paid way too much money, and you can’t seem to part with it. Maybe the dress will be sold to someone who wants to look good for their big day. It is a much better use of the item rather than sitting in your closet.

So, remember to repurpose, donate, sell or recycle your items. The worse thing to do is throw them out because they will end up in a landfill and then it becomes everyone’s problem.

Finally, try to have fun with the challenge. If you truly love an item, don’t throw it out for the sake of the challenge or the status quo. This exercise intends to make your home a representation of you and your family.

The first week was pretty easy for me. Generally, I know the stuff I need to get rid of that has been sitting around my home.

Below are the items that I am getting rid for the first week of the challenge, most of these items are going to be donated or sold. The coat with my going to the NYCares Coat organization.


Day One


Day Two


Day Three


Day Four


Day Five


Day Six


Day Seven


So, that is it for the week. What items can you get rid of in your home? Are you happy with what you have in your home? Please let me know if you are doing something similar or are interested in the challenge. Just leave a comment below, follow or like this post.

Cheers!

#minimalist #minimalistic #minimalista #minimalistics #minimaliststyle #minimalistdesign #minimalistart #minimaliste #minimalistwallet #minimalistphotography #minimalists #minimalistzen #minimalisticdesign #minimalistlifestyle #minimalistliving #minimalistlife #30daychallenge #home #staystrong #family #step1 #2019 #30daychallenge #30daychallengeabs #30daychallenges #30daychallenge #30daydeclutterchallenge
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Too Much Pride

It’s happening again,

my sense of pride is too high.

I don’t even know how to tell you a simple “why.”

I hold it inside hoping all my mediation will give me some light.

I do not cry.

Well, maybe in the middle of the night.

It’s happening again,

that secret wish that I would magically die.

I do not want it,

not death.

I just want relief from these thoughts in my head.

It’s happening again,

that fake smile and tone-deaf laugh

You do not want to know my feelings

You will have none of that

It’s better to acknowledge my muted eyes as real.

They are not bright.

It’s happening again,

my need for darkness.

You won’t understand.

You see it as a weakness.

It’s better to pretend that it’s just tiredness.

It’s not,

you can see it,

I am worthless.

It’s happening again. 

I am too quiet.

You don’t mind.

You don’t hear me anyway.

It’s better to think I am just busy.

I am not,

it’s a silent scream.

Please help me!

I have too much pride.

You’ll never know why.

#Depressionpoem #poetry #poet #depression #poetsofig #screenshot #firstdraft #poems #poet #depressed #depressioning #anxiety #depressionedits #mentalillness #fightingmentalillness #pathetic #loser #worthless #hopeless #ugly #freak #hurt #lost #suicidal #suicidalpoem #sucidalquotes #heartbroken #heartbreak #lonely #quotes

The Holiday Cats – A Story

“That cat is always hanging around outside,” said Sarah, hanging a strand of holiday lights around her window.

“Does she have a collar?” asked her best friend, Trudy.

“I don’t think so. I’m always feeding her. Look, here she comes.” A fluffy black cat wandered onto the patio. She sat and stared at her new friends.

“Here you go,” said Sarah, pulling a pack of treats from her pocket. She placed a few on the ground, while the cat quickly gobbled them up.

“She’s gorgeous,” said Trudy. “I’m sure you could adopt her if you wanted.”

“It’s getting cold out. I’ll try and find out if she has an owner. I’ll ask my neighbors.” Sarah smiled.

“That’s great. I have to run home now. I hope you’ll be okay?” Trudy asked her, with a concerned look on her face.

Sarah looked sad. “I’ll try. It’s quite lonely in the house right now.”

“Hey look, there’s another cat.” She pointed to a pure black cat sitting in the garden.

“Oh, that’s her friend. I call him Kitten.” She went over to pet the cat.

“Okay, I’m on my way. Please call me any time of day or night, if you are anxious or depressed.”

Sarah nodded and smiled. She decided to finish hanging the holiday decorations on trying and forgetting the fact that she’d be alone this December.

The next day both holiday cats showed up on time. They gobbled down the treats she handed them. She could never get close enough to pet the girl, but Kitten was always ready for a handout.

“How did the two of you become friends?” she asked them. “Usually she is territorial.”

Each time they walked away she felt sad. She swept up some stray leaves from her patio and put them in a brown bag. Instead of tracking dirt through her condo, she decided to walk along the stone pathway along the front of the yard. As she passed her neighbor’s yard she saw the fluffy cat in the arms of a man.

“Hello,” she called out. “Is that your cat?”

“Yes, this is Dusty,” he said.

She was crestfallen. She had hoped the cat had been a stray. Trying to hold back tears, she put her garbage in the organic bins, then walked back. On the way back, Kitten ran out and followed her.

As she passed her neighbor’s patio, she noticed he was still there. “Say, is this your cat too?” she asked him.

He shook his head. “No, that’s a stray. I was going to take him to the animal shelter. I’ve been feeding him, but can’t look after two cats forever. My wife passed and it’s been difficult.”

Understanding, Sarah had an idea. “Why don’t I adopt Kitten? She and Dusty get along well. They can keep on visiting.”

The man smiled. “That’s a great idea! I think he needs to be neutered though.”

“I can make arrangements.” She turned and picked up Kitten. He wouldn’t be allowed back outside until he had a visit to the vets.

As she carried him home, she was already starting to feel better. The cats had cheered her up, just in time for the holiday season.

The End.

#cats #catstory #holidaypets #pets #holidaystory

“Little, stop!”

Some Tips For Walking With Your Distracted Puppy

When walking your new puppy, things can get very distracting, like a person on a bicycle seems like fun, or that German Shepard with the grin that begs to be played with, or just a squirrel with the fluffy tail that only has to be bitten. Whatever the distraction for your puppy, you don’t need that, and it can be challenging to keep him under control with all his new found energy. Therefore, I will give you some tips for walking with your distracted puppy, so that it’s not so stressful for you or him, so read on to discover more.

Increasing Distance Or Speed

It may be challenging for your dog to ignore another dog that is only 8 or 10ft away, but if you put some distance between them, like move away once you see an approaching dog to about 20ft or more, this should be less appealing for him. Also, increasing your speed in certain situations can help keep the distractions down, like when he wants to sniff out and pick around in some leftover food left on the ground for example. By speeding up, you can often get past this type of distraction better than if you were at a slow pace, giving him a chance to get stuck into the half-eaten lunch.

Get A Super Treat

This one is the best for getting your puppy on track, and we call it the super treat because it usually does the trick. We’re not talking about the kibble that he sits for, because when your out and about he will ignore the treats he can get any time, especially if there is a bird that needs chasing. The trick is finding out what treat will tempt him above all else, and that usually means cooked chicken, and it works with most dogs, but only use this treat as an exceptional treat, like when you are out and see a potential distraction about to take place.

Finally, when getting a new puppy, we highly recommend signing up for puppy training classes as soon as possible, you won’t regret it. Moreover, this will teach him very early on about socializing and being surrounded by distractions. Furthermore, this can be extremely fun for the both of you, and also gives you extra bonding time with your new pet, as well as being productive at the same time, because he will be trained correctly to help with any future distractions he might encounter.

#puppytraining #dogtips #dogwalkingtips #dogwalking

Why is He Peeing Outside the Box?

HОW TO DЕАL WITH АN ANXIОUЅ CAT

There аrе cats which саn bе remarkably calm. On thе оthеr hаnd, thеrе аrе kittiеѕ which can bе fееling thе opposite. Uѕuаllу, саtѕ аrе саlm by nаturе. Thiѕ iѕ why cat owners аrе able tо determine thаt their bеlоvеd pet is displaying diffеrеnt signs of anxiety. Thеrе аrе mаnу reasons whу the саt will bе anxious: bеing аlоnе in the hоuѕе, оr when viѕitоrѕ tо thе hоmе, аnоthеr new реt or fаmilу mеmbеr, mоving tо a nеw hоmе, visits tо thе vеtеrinаriаn, аdjuѕting tо a nеw environment, аnd multiрlе cat hоuѕеhоldѕ. Unfоrtunаtеlу, whеn саtѕ suffer frоm ѕtrеѕѕ and аnxiеtу, they gеnеrаllу соmmuniсаtе it in a very сlеаr wау thаt can rеаllу turn humans uрѕidе dоwn. Onе of the real ѕignѕ that usually tеll us iѕ that thеу аrе nоt uѕing the саt litter bоx.

Cаtѕ with separation anxiety dоn’t hоwl аnd bау likе dogs and thеу dоn’t сhеw оn doors and windоwѕillѕ in frаntiс аttеmрtѕ tо escape. Their misery iѕ fаr lеѕѕ obvious аnd it ѕоmеtimеѕ tаkеѕ a ѕlеuth of an owner tо аррrесiаtе what is gоing оn.

Negative experience during thе еаrlу уеаrѕ as a kittеn – Whilе уоur саt wаѕ a young littlе kittеn, it соuld bе роѕѕiblе thаt she hаd a negative еxреriеnсе, саuѕing thiѕ nervous bеhаviоr. Nеgаtivе experiences inсludе but аrе nоt limited tо hоmеlеѕѕnеѕѕ, abuse, lасk оf ѕосiаl skills аnd еxреriеnсе with fellow cats аnd humans, and improper ѕосiаlizаtiоn.

In саѕеѕ like thiѕ, it’ѕ incredibly соmmоn fоr thе аdорtеd саt tо feel еxtrеmе аnxiеtу, аnd tо ѕhоw mаtсhing behaviors. Some cats will ѕhоw аggrеѕѕiоn due to thеir аnxiеtу, but mоѕt adopted саtѕ will show fеаrful bеhаviоr during thе firѕt fеw days, whiсh inсludеѕ things like:

  • Flееing
  • Hiding
  • Frееzing in рlасе
  • Losing control оf bladder аnd/оr bоwеlѕ
  • Releasing аnаl glаndѕ
  • Nоt uѕing thе littеr bоx

The tуре of behavior a саt shows whеn it is аnxiоuѕ depends оn itѕ реrѕоnаlitу. While a naturally соnfidеnt cat iѕ likely tо adjust ԛuiсklу tо a nеw hоmе, nаturаllу fearful саtѕ mау nееd ѕоmе hеlр frоm уоu.

Aggrеѕѕivе bеhаviоr саn bе a ѕign оf ѕtrеѕѕ аnxiеtу. Ownеrѕ whо claim thаt cat рlау fighting did nоt рrеѕеnt a problem until thе cat wаѕ ѕix or seven years old is ignoring оnе vital fасt. Up until that аgе (middlе age in cats), he will hаvе tаkеn hiѕ fightѕ elsewhere. Whеn thе behavior is exhibited in thе оwnеr’ѕ рrеѕеnсе, attention саn bе withdrаwn bу turning or walking аwау, or ѕоmе fоrm оf remote indirесt рuniѕhmеnt not аѕѕосiаtеd with the оwnеr could be uѕеd.

Ownеrѕ ѕhоuld nеvеr рhуѕiсаllу рuniѕh their саt; even a hаrmlеѕѕ tар оn thе nоѕе mау be viеwеd аѕ a challenge, and thе cat may become еvеn mоrе аggrеѕѕivе. Thе mоѕt effective reaction to ѕtаtuѕ-induсеd aggression iѕ tо ignore thе cat completely. Pеt ѕеrviсе рrоvidеr hеlрѕ your саt tо reduce cat anxiety аnd роѕѕiblу help reduce dеѕtruсtivе bеhаviоr. Pet service рrоvidеr for уоur саt is the bеѕt option fоr your angry or anxious саt аnd thеѕе ѕеrviсеѕ hеlр rеliеvе thеir fеаr аnd аlѕо mаkе your bеlоvеd саt соmе bасk to hеr nоrmаl.

Cat ѕеrviсе рrоvidеr hаѕ mаnу benefits fоr people who nееd to gо on vасаtiоn or even people whо juѕt wаnt to provide lоvе fоr thеir cat during thе dау. Cat ѕеrviсеѕ provider has some аmаzing bаѕiс ѕеrviсеѕ, that will also еаѕе уоur dog frоm anxiety аnd stress, and also рrоvidе customer ѕресifiс services соnсеrning уоur home оr cat needs.

#cat #catbehavior #catsitter #anxiouscat #petinformation #petservices

Body Language of Dogs: Saying “Hi” or “Bye”

Ever wondered why does your dog keep licking at other dogs, especially on the face? Or the position of the ears often confuses you to the actual meaning or message that your dog is trying to convey across? There are actually more examples that we can think of, especially when it comes to dogs communicating with one another using their body.

Here is some of the body language that the dog displays, and accompanying it will be the description of the information that the dog is trying to portray.

Ears

This is one of the most common body movements that we might know. When the dog’s ears are erect, it does mean that they are alert, ready for any sudden change or sound. When the ear is leaning to the back, it says that they are in a fearful mood.

Tongue

When dogs lick another dog around the face, it does mean that they are actually expressing their fondness towards the other dog. Of course, if the dogs are licking affectionately, then it says that they are attracted to one another.

Tail

We probably know this already. When the dog’s tail is down, it means that she is feeling scared and timid. On the contrary, if the tail is facing upwards, it can mean that the dog is happy. Of course, there can be false positives, in the sense that dogs can also display aggression by wagging their tails in the upright position. One good way to differentiate between a normal wag and the aggressive one is to look at your dog’s teeth. If she is baring her teeth, then obviously she is in an aggressive mode. This brings us to the next point.

Head

Not many people know that the position of the dog’s head does indicate its current temperament, which will directly impact the way at which the dogs communicate with one another. If your dog’s head is tilted sideways, it is actually expressing curiosity. However, if the dog’s head is high and the front legs are on the floor, and the rear legs are standing high, it is a sign of aggressiveness, and you should try to separate the dogs.

Mouth

Of course, this is one of the easiest to spot. When dogs pants while they are beside each other, it is a clear indication that they are in a playful mood and wants to play with the other dog. However, if the dog is appearing to be smiling, yet growling with that low rumble in their throat, you should start to take precautions, as this is a sign of aggressiveness.

Conclusion

With the above examples, it can be quite clear to note that there is no clear-cut indication of the dog’s temperament. At times, it can take a few combinations of the body movements before you can determine the dog’s intended message across to the other dog.

Now that you know some of the body movements that you should be aware of, are there more examples that you can think of?

#dog #dogtraining #dogcommunication #dogsbodylanguage