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I hate being the “mean” parent.

This blog is just a free following piece about my day and feelings. I am sure it will be riddled with a ton of grammar mistakes, but that is my natural state of being. I am completely imperfect.

Homeschooling is rough. You have to separate yourself as a parent versus a teacher. Some days are good, and things get done, but then there are days that my child refuses to do work. What do I do then? Send her to her room?

What frustrates the most about this is that I am co-parenting and her father will jump on the opportunity not to work because getting up in the morning is triumph over the day. She doesn’t get much disciplines there, so I am still the weight in the world for which rest on her shoulders. She knows she only has to deal with me for a little while before she returns to the haven of a father. I hate my role very much. I am always dismissed in this dynamic because that’s the way it has been since being with her dad.

So, homeschooling…I wanted to homeschool her because I felt it would allow me to spend time with her. She can see what “healthy” way of life instead of the negative side. She had a horrible teacher this year. The teacher only had five students yet couldn’t get her act together to be personable with the students or make any connection. She didn’t even bother to know my name. When confronted, she blamed the kids and my daughter. She is the teacher. Do not make it the fault of children. Even when they annoy you, they need to learn from you how to handle the situation. So, here I am the teacher and parent.

I am still learning, and it is not easy. I want to teach the word of God and also give her the curriculum I know she is capable of doing. The issue is that we are so new to these roles that there are misfires. I either get mad because she refuses to work or she refuses to work and ask to go to Daddy’s home. I try hard not to add my feelings and thoughts to the situation, but it is very hard.

I hate being the “mean” parent.

So, I am done ranting.

#homeschool #homeschooling #education #homeschoolmom #momlife #homeeducation #parenting #homeschoollife #kids #learning #mom #literacy #dyslexia #unschooling #earlylearning #homeschoolmoms #phonics #school #letterrecognition #earlychildhoodeducation #teachersofinstagram #workingmoms #babysteps #love #children #reading #coparenting #parenting #divorce #blendedfamily #love #children #family #relationship #singlemom #bonuskids #divorcedmom #divorcesupport

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Crazy Week to Be Perfect

This blog is just a free following piece about my day and feelings. I am sure it will be riddled with a ton of grammar mistakes, but that is my natural state of being. I am completely imperfect.

I wanted to write more this week. I made it part of my resolution to get out of my comfort zone and write. I love writing, but I hate the judgment that comes from a misplaced common or an incomplete sentence.

I don’t like to be judged.

I live a quiet life for this reason. I know it so much easier to say, “Oh, don’t listen to people!” For the most part, I don’t listen to people. I just get tripped up because I am also a perfectionist. I am the type of perfectionist that will stop what they are doing if they can’t do it right. My anxiety can be a jerk sometimes…see I even judge myself.

So, as I have mentioned, I have gotten better with working through my judgment riddled mind. I have gotten to the point that I can push through most nay-sayers, but sometimes one will pop up that stops me dead in my tracks.

This happened to be the week that I got obstructed. I didn’t have an opportunity to write, much less recollect. I am still growing my business, and my daughter was with me this week. She was very sick. Her dad was also ill so he couldn’t get her to bring her to school.

We decided to move forward with homeschool. She had the worse teacher and rather than waste our money of a teacher who doesn’t care for her students. She didn’t this option is the best for her and us.

This notion of teaching her terrifies me. What if I teach her the wrong things? What if I hold her back? What if I am not smart enough to teach a fourth grader?

It scary and my mind wants to freeze up. It’s been doing it all week. I won’t let it. We have too much going on for me to check out. So, for the sake of my sanity at this moment in time, I am sitting in front of my computer and just purging a bunch of thoughts and words, in no particular order or reason.

I guess I need to be accountable. These are the times that I have to see myself in the third person. I get frightened to reveal how my mind has gotten used to seeing me.

However, I am excited about homeschooling. It does give me more time if my daughter and I am not alone in this adventure. We have her dad, a homeschool program and a activities group. I have planned out of workflow so that she won’t miss a beat.

I am also concerned about work. I can run my own business. Where do I go from there? I would love to own a doggy daycare. I am eyeing that prize, but financially, it isn’t possible just yet. I rely on my other dog services. I am worried that I won’t make enough money. My e-commerce shop isn’t picking up much traffic. I am not sure if I should close it or work on it a little more. Ideally, it would be nice to have Tamemepet.com as my primary source of income, but I guess that is another topic that I have to figure out.

So, this week has been a little crazy.

Next week will be a whole new chapter.

I have to walk through the door eventually.

#family #familyandfriemds #familyframes #freeflow #anxiety #sick #anxietyhelp #anxietyrelief #anxietydisorder #anxietyattack #anxietysucks #random #rambles #perfectionism #homeschool #homeschool

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I don’t want to deal

This blog is just a free following piece about my day and feelings. I am sure it will be riddled with a ton of grammar mistakes, but that is my natural state of being. I am completely imperfect.

It’s a cold day in Brooklyn. I do not want to go outdoors but I must as my job is to be there. Most of the time I do not mind it, but today, it just seems unmeasurable in torture.

My daughter is sick, and I feel I should be here for her. I don’t see her enough and here I go, leaving her when she needs me. I worry that my actions will mess her up somehow, but I try not to think of it. I have to work. I have to provide support to her and my family.

I always worry that I am never good enough. I am also self-absorbed and stuck in my head. I keep wondering of what could be instead of what is now. I try to think of ways to be more present, but sometimes I fail. I am just not ready to deal.

It is cold out today, and I don’t want to deal. I would rather be indoors and help my child heal.

#family #familyandfriemds #familyframes #freeflow #anxiety #sick #anxietyhelp #anxietyrelief #anxietydisorder #anxietyattack #anxietysucks #random #rambles