The Haiku Week Featured

Crazy Week to Be Perfect

This blog is just a free following piece about my day and feelings. I am sure it will be riddled with a ton of grammar mistakes, but that is my natural state of being. I am completely imperfect.

I wanted to write more this week. I made it part of my resolution to get out of my comfort zone and write. I love writing, but I hate the judgment that comes from a misplaced common or an incomplete sentence.

I don’t like to be judged.

I live a quiet life for this reason. I know it so much easier to say, “Oh, don’t listen to people!” For the most part, I don’t listen to people. I just get tripped up because I am also a perfectionist. I am the type of perfectionist that will stop what they are doing if they can’t do it right. My anxiety can be a jerk sometimes…see I even judge myself.

So, as I have mentioned, I have gotten better with working through my judgment riddled mind. I have gotten to the point that I can push through most nay-sayers, but sometimes one will pop up that stops me dead in my tracks.

This happened to be the week that I got obstructed. I didn’t have an opportunity to write, much less recollect. I am still growing my business, and my daughter was with me this week. She was very sick. Her dad was also ill so he couldn’t get her to bring her to school.

We decided to move forward with homeschool. She had the worse teacher and rather than waste our money of a teacher who doesn’t care for her students. She didn’t this option is the best for her and us.

This notion of teaching her terrifies me. What if I teach her the wrong things? What if I hold her back? What if I am not smart enough to teach a fourth grader?

It scary and my mind wants to freeze up. It’s been doing it all week. I won’t let it. We have too much going on for me to check out. So, for the sake of my sanity at this moment in time, I am sitting in front of my computer and just purging a bunch of thoughts and words, in no particular order or reason.

I guess I need to be accountable. These are the times that I have to see myself in the third person. I get frightened to reveal how my mind has gotten used to seeing me.

However, I am excited about homeschooling. It does give me more time if my daughter and I am not alone in this adventure. We have her dad, a homeschool program and a activities group. I have planned out of workflow so that she won’t miss a beat.

I am also concerned about work. I can run my own business. Where do I go from there? I would love to own a doggy daycare. I am eyeing that prize, but financially, it isn’t possible just yet. I rely on my other dog services. I am worried that I won’t make enough money. My e-commerce shop isn’t picking up much traffic. I am not sure if I should close it or work on it a little more. Ideally, it would be nice to have Tamemepet.com as my primary source of income, but I guess that is another topic that I have to figure out.

So, this week has been a little crazy.

Next week will be a whole new chapter.

I have to walk through the door eventually.

#family #familyandfriemds #familyframes #freeflow #anxiety #sick #anxietyhelp #anxietyrelief #anxietydisorder #anxietyattack #anxietysucks #random #rambles #perfectionism #homeschool #homeschool

Featured

I don’t want to deal

This blog is just a free following piece about my day and feelings. I am sure it will be riddled with a ton of grammar mistakes, but that is my natural state of being. I am completely imperfect.

It’s a cold day in Brooklyn. I do not want to go outdoors but I must as my job is to be there. Most of the time I do not mind it, but today, it just seems unmeasurable in torture.

My daughter is sick, and I feel I should be here for her. I don’t see her enough and here I go, leaving her when she needs me. I worry that my actions will mess her up somehow, but I try not to think of it. I have to work. I have to provide support to her and my family.

I always worry that I am never good enough. I am also self-absorbed and stuck in my head. I keep wondering of what could be instead of what is now. I try to think of ways to be more present, but sometimes I fail. I am just not ready to deal.

It is cold out today, and I don’t want to deal. I would rather be indoors and help my child heal.

#family #familyandfriemds #familyframes #freeflow #anxiety #sick #anxietyhelp #anxietyrelief #anxietydisorder #anxietyattack #anxietysucks #random #rambles

Featured

Raspberry Coconut Macaroons

These raspberry coconut macaroons are something I make to remind me of a warmer sunny day. It is a cold day in Brooklyn, and I rather be indoors. Sometimes, my anxiety can be raised if I sit too long, so to keep myself occupied, I love to try recipes from the ingredients that I already have in my home.

I am pretty sure you can add any berry or no berries to the cookie. You can also but vegan ingredients if you aren’t into dairy products. Either way, when you take a bite, hopefully, it will give you that warm and cozy vibe of a summertime night.

Wet Ingredients:
4 large egg whites
1/2 cup raspberries
1/2 teaspoon almond extract
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Dry Ingredients
4 and 3/4 cups sweetened shredded coconut
1/2 cup granulated sugar

Directions:

  1. Preheat oven to 325°F
  2. Prepare by lining two baking sheets with parchment paper.
  3. Do not put your dough in until the oven is at 325°F
  4. For about 2 minutes, in a large bowl using a mixer with paddle accessory, whipped the sugar, egg whites, and vanilla together egg whites, sugar, and vanilla together on medium to high speed until frothy and the sugar dissolved.
  5. Then add in the shredded coconut gradually, making sure the coconut is evenly moistened.
  6. The batter will be moist and gluey.
  7. Cover the mixture tightly with plastic wrap or wax paper and refrigerator for 30 minutes. This will allow the coconut to become moist.
  8. Meanwhile, pat your raspberries dry with a paper towel or cloth. You don’t want them too wet.
  9. Once the 30 minutes are over, unwrap the dough and fold in the raspberries into the coconut batter.
  10. Scoop 2 Tablespoons of the batter and place in on the prepared baking sheet it should be about 2 inches apart. Make sure the mounds are very dense but round.
  11. Bake for about 20 minutes until the cookie is lightly golden brown.
  12. Allow the cookies to cool thoroughly on the baking sheets before eating.

I hope you enjoy this recipe as much as I do and stay warm (or cool in you are in the summer season) today.

You are pretty awesome for reading this, so thank you!

Let me know if you have any recommendations for recipes or questions below.

#recipe #recipetohappiness #recipebinders #recipeforlife #Recipeforyou #recipeideas #Recipeoftheday #RecipeDiaries #RecipesForDays #recipesoftheday #recipedeveloping #recipeofweek #recipesbyme #Raspberry #Coconut #Macaroons #Berries #MacaroonRecipe #mindfulcooking #DBT #anxiety #mentalhealth

Featured

How to Make Co-Parenting Work

Co-parenting between the separated parents means that both have to share the responsibilities of children’s upbringing. Parents, who decide to do this, must cooperate to make it work. Following the co-parenting plan can be a
good start. However, saying it is easier than doing it. Problems will always rise especially in the case where parents haven’t resolved their internal conflicts.

The most common problem arising is that children keep seeing the ongoing battle between parents after the separation process. It’s unfortunate for the children because it will harm them psychologically. If you experience this problem, use a holistic co-parenting – which consider the arrangement of the co-parenting and the emotional aspect of all parties involved – to solve it. Here are the steps to do it:

Lose your fear
The reason why you keep fighting with your ex is that you still hold pain, as the result of the separation, within you. The pain derives from fear or trauma.

Can you see it now?

So fear or trauma is your conflict’s source. Now that you’ve found it, you have to lose it.

Here are the simple steps to do it:

  • Let all your fear out by writing them down.
  • Deal all your fear one by one.

For example, you’re afraid that you can’t handle the car’s matter which your ex usually did it for you. To lose your fear, go to the mechanic and learn how to deal with it. Once you manage to do it, you’ll gain confidence and fear no more.

Remember past fear and how you’d overcome i

This path down memory lane will make you think, “Hey! I’d overcome my fear. So I’ll be able to deal with this separation too.” This thought will strengthen you.

Cry out loud

Crying will help you in the process of losing fear. After that, you’ll feel relieved and see clearly. Thus, you’ll build positive communication with your ex who will likely give positive feedback for it. Once you do this, you have started a healthy co-parenting.

Ask your friends and family’s support

The process of letting out fear and afterward will take times. You’ll go through the ups and downs of the process. During the time, it’s better to ask for support/help from your friends and family.

As an outsider, they’ll be able to see your problem rationally. Therefore, at times you feel down, they can make you better and help you back to the track where you need to be to do healthy co-parenting.

However, if you think that your friends or family can’t help you due to whatever reasons, get the experts’ help.

Discuss the co-parenting in detail and make the win-win solutions agreement. Conflicts can also happen because of other aspects of co-parenting which are the kind of parenting style which you and your ex use in raising children and the financial matter. Therefore it’s important to discuss both in details.

During the discussion, let out all your thoughts of how you want the arrangement to be. Let your ex do the same. If both of you have differences, find the win-win solutions. So no one will be dissatisfied. Therefore no conflicts arise in the future.

Then make the agreement proved by the court. It’s an important step to do in a holistic co-parenting. This way you, your ex and most importantly your child will get all the deserved rights legally. In the case of unwanted events happen, the law will protect you.

Get me time

The next process you need to go through is that you must get your own me time. Spare time to do enjoying activities such as doing your hobbies, hanging out with your friends, meeting new people, traveling, etc. Do it while your child is with your ex.

Doing fun activities will refresh and relax you. You’ll get positive energy which will make you happy. Suggest your ex to do the same while your child is with you. That way, your ex will be happy too. The act of supporting your ex in term related to co-parenting is necessary also.

Because if your ex is in a healthy emotional state as you do, both of you can make your child happy as well. And this is the core of a holistic co-parenting.

Evaluate the co-parenting you’ve done

If conflicts still happen after all the efforts you’ve done. It’s time to evaluate the co-parenting arrangement. Asking the experts’ help is one thing you and your ex can do. They can give an objective evaluation, help both of you to figure out what’s wrong, and give alternative suggestions. After this evaluation, both of you may have to make a new decision about the co-parenting and repeat the above steps.

If conflicts still happen after all the efforts you’ve done. It’s time to evaluate the co-parenting arrangement. Asking the experts’ help is one thing you and your ex can do. They can give an objective evaluation, help both of you to figure out what’s wrong, and give alternative suggestions. After this evaluation, both of you may have to make a new decision about the co-parenting and repeat the above steps.

It seems tedious to do so but parenting – co-parenting or not – is a life’s time work. Just keep in mind that it’s for your beloved child. That way you’ll feel the hard work of co-parenting is worth to do.

#coparenting #parenting #divorce #blendedfamily #love #family #dad #children #kids #mom #son #marriage #stepparents #stepmom #daughter #bonusmom #stepson #familycourt #stepdaughter #stepkids #stepparenting #child #stepparent #bonuskids #bonusdaughter #bonusfamily #relationship #stepchildren

Banana Bread

Yummy Banana Breakfast Bread

I had some time to spare and a few ripe bananas. I thought I would share the recipe that I use when making banana bread. It is super easy and is a great snack or part of your breakfast.

Whenever I get overwhelmed or need to focus, I find cooking does that for me. I loved cooking since I was tiny and experimented with all kinds of ingredients to feed my brothers and sisters. Sometimes the food came out fantastic and other times….well, not so much.

There is actually a movement for this type of therapy, which I will reference below that states:

Cooking and baking are pursuits that fit a type of therapy known as behavioral activation. The goal is to alleviate depression by boosting positive activity, increasing goal-oriented behavior and curbing procrastination and passivity.

If the activity is defined as personally rewarding or giving a sense of accomplishment or pleasure, or even seeing the joy of that pumpkin bread with chocolate chips making someone else happy, then it could improve a sense of well-being,” says Jacqueline Gollan, associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago.”

So, if you need a pick me up, please try this recipe.

Dry Ingredients:
3/4 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 cup white sugar & 1/4 cup of brown sugar
1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda

Wet Ingredients:
4 ripe bananas
5 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
3 eggs, room temperature

  1. Preheat oven to 350 F
  2. To a large mixing bowl add, all-purpose flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon
  3. Combine and blend well together and set aside
  4. In a separate mixing bowl, add 4 very ripe bananas and mash well with a fork until it looks like paste
  5. Add butter and room temperature eggs and combine all together with a fork until it is well-mixed.
  6. Combine wet and dry ingredients together and mix well
  7. To a greased loaf pan or use parchment paper (it’s up to you)
  8. Pour batter into pan
  9. Distribute evenly and press down on the mixture to remove any air bubbles
  10. Bake for 40-50 min (test with a toothpick around 40 min and it comes out cleanly, remove)
  11. Let cool on a wire rack

Eat and Enjoy!

What’s your favorite breakfast recipe? Do you enjoy cooking?

Please let me know.

A Road to Mental Health Through the Kitchen: https://www.wsj.com/articles/a-road-to-mental-health-through-the-kitchen-1418059204

#bananabreadrecipe #bananabread #banana #sundaybaking #baking #nondietapproach #bakingrecipes #bananarecipes #nondiet #bananabreas #therapy #depression #selfove

Holiday Blues or Mistreated Illness? It’s never too late to get help.

Holidays have always been important in my family, especially Christmas. It was the one time of year that everyone around me just seemed to be in a better mood, and though there were little pieces of mood shifts, my anxiety and depression were always more at ease during this time. I love my family. I love the peace that that holidays brought to my family.

However, as I got older and my family got smaller because of death, disconnects or busy schedules and as I result, my mood became lower, and soon, I was not involved in any holiday festivities. I saw no point in celebrating when no one seemed to be into it. I certainly wasn’t.

My spirit died. 

I felt more stressed around the holidays, and instead of looking forward to them, I would anticipate the end of the season. I just wanted to go away and wait it out, be alone in isolation. I put my feelings on others because I couldn’t deal with myself. There was a point in my life that I wanted to divorce myself and not exist.

Deep down, I knew this wasn’t me. I knew I still loved the holidays, but I abstained from celebrating. I couldn’t let myself enjoy the holidays if other people were not happy. I even have my brothers and sisters that celebrate the holidays every year. I could have easily been with them. I just convinced myself that I did not need them and they did not require me to be there. Plus, at some point, during the years, I would have put a damper on to their celebration. I was incomplete with a void that could never be filled. How could a problem like this even be fixed?

I tied for years to “fixed” the problem on my own, but I only made it worse. The best advise I gave myself was to hide away until it was all over. This action was not making me happy. It was making me unstable. I was dying.

So, how did I get out of this dark hidden place?

The answer: I told someone. At first, I got the classic, “well that is silly” and felt invalidated. My mind was too sad to see any humor in their jokes or words of encouragement. I had a real problem going on in my head that didn’t make much sense to why it was an issue. I just wanted to it to go away before I took myself away from the problem a/k/a die.

Determined and finally acknowledging that I could not solve this problem myself, I opened up to others…anyone at one point. I finally found someone who gave me some kind of direction and that direction was to a therapist.

So, I went to therapy. Although, I realized that even with the acknowledgment of my problems, I would need to do my part to make things better. I could either choose to be miserable or start enjoying the simple things. I had to make peace with the guilt I felt for vanishing for so many years. I began to follow CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy), and I was put on anti-anxiety medications.

WIth opening up to my family (how awkward as it felt), following through with therapy, and understanding why I am anxious or get very depressed, I starting to see sparkles of light. I was not ready for the holidays during my first year of therapy, but I made sure to text everyone. Then I got the courage to call a few years later, and now I am finally starting to show up to actual holiday celebrations.

I count my blessings as I remember past memories, old traditions , and now the continuation of developing new positive moments. As I write this, I am listening to Christmas music that gets into my soul, which for the longest time I felt was dead. I started moving forward that year that I asked for help. It was those simple things I thought were lost that began to resurface. I had to acknowledge the new meaning, and I was fortunate enough to realize it before the darkness entirely consumed me. I thank my friend for starting this new chapter.

I will still get depressed, and I know I will get anxious for no reason except that my brain is inclined to do so…but I can manage it. I have my plans to get me through the storms.

Just like the saying goes, sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. For me, turning the negative thoughts into positive or matter of fact type thoughts (thank you CBT) proved to be successful. Now, I can appreciate the holiday season.

I know this is short and there is a lot of backstories to why I am this way, but the point of this short piece is to start somewhere and to not give up. You are your life, and your life is significant, even if it does not feel that way. It is…someone one out there is looking to you. It could be a neighbor, your family, the postman or even yourself. The vital first step is to realize that you have a problem and to express it before it gets any worse. There are many reasons why so many people get depressed or even worse commit suicide. It doesn’t have to be this way.

Here are some numbers if you are in a place that you need help but have nowhere to go:

If you’re struggling, take the time you need today for self-care and reach out to someone you trust. If you know someone who is struggling, reach out to them, get help. I am glad that I did. I would not be where I am today if I didn’t reach out for help.

Thank you.

#holidaydepression #suicide #gethelp #anxiety #depression #holidayblue #mentalillness