One of scariest feelings is loneliness. Thinking that people do not get you can paralyze your life and dissolve your laughter.
Loneliness prevents you from talking out your problems with others and gives you a false sense of security that you are safe.
This false sense of security most likely happened because you were hurt deeply by someone or something. Being alone is the great escape as it prevents more hurt from entering your soul. However, it doesn’t help. It’s a trap. It makes you replay the betrayal over and over again until what was a real memory becomes morphed with a negative belief. You relive every moment in every situation that reminds you of that hurt. You live in the past trying to get through the present with eyes shut. The future will always be dark until we can open our eyes.
How do we get past this?
It seems to be everywhere, and some have it worse than others, while others are never alone. It’s easier said than done, and I don’t know if it can be fixed…so my depression and anxiety would like me to believe.
When I am down, I feel most alone. I am ashamed of myself and what I am thinking. It can be an awful mess, and I have to be mindful of “waiting it out” until I can see a spark of light. These moments of light have become frequent, but it can be quickly turned off if I am not careful.
During these fragmented moments, I have filled it with patches of hope. It is a point that wants to see the world and remind me that there are people out there. Some that may want to help me or acknowledge me. I get scared with even thinking of this. It’s the fear of hurt that keeps people and thoughts away.
One thought: there are people out there. They do not want to hurt me, and therefore I am honestly never alone. There is so much out in the world, and there is so much potential to not to be alone.
Fear is not immoral it exposes your vulnerabilities so you can respond. Feeling lonely is profound, and for some, including me, it takes more than an enchanting sentence to open one’s eyes. However, I do believe that they can be open, just maybe a little slow and with a bit of more evidence that can only come when allowed to those fragments of light in your mind. You slowly start to see that perhaps you are not alone.
Maybe the people whom you wished to be there aren’t the people you need. Perhaps it is the other person, the person who stands by and waits for your light because they tried a million times to show you. The lessons are there, but we need to be open to being fearless. We would not exist if there weren’t people who cared. Who took care of us when we couldn’t. Those are the people who are there. Those are the people waiting, even if you can’t see them yet.
More importantly, when you do see that you are not alone, it allows you to create memories and experience trust. You can never really get rid of bad experiences, but creating new ones will help ease the bitterness and fear.
It’s a journey that I am always on, but I do believe you can become the best version of you when fear being hurt is closed.
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